


All for You

by coffeeandcigarettesplease



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Angst, Biting, Breeding Kink, Darkfic, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dubious Consent, Dystopian society, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Flashbacks contain underage sex, Forced Pregnancy, HEA, Handmaids Tale vibes, Knotting, Kylo is a bad guy, Loss of Virginity, Mating Bite, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Power Dynamics, Pregnancy, Sad, Suicidal Ideation, Suicide, Violence, background Hux/Rose/Finn, drugged heat sex, love triangle not a triad, no one dies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:00:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 14
Words: 22,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26032279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeandcigarettesplease/pseuds/coffeeandcigarettesplease
Summary: In a dystopian future, alpha and omega birth rates have dwindled to almost nothing. President Snoke enacts the Mating Mandate, pairing alphas and omegas together in order to reproduce and build up their numbers. Rey has managed to stay hidden for six months, until she is captured by Snoke’s notorious enforcer, Kylo Ren - who she quickly learns she is selected to mate and procreate with.A twist on marriage law fics. AU/dark fic.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 330
Kudos: 890





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey gang!
> 
> I want to stress that this is a dark fic that contains rape/dubious consent. If you don’t want to read that, please exit this fic now. 
> 
> The tags are subject to change as they are needed. PLEASE let me know if I missed something. I try to tag all the things I can think of, but I am pretty much trigger-less, so I may not be aware of some. I want to stress that *no one dies and they end up together.* 
> 
> This world is reminiscent of Handmaid’s Tale, only omegas are essentially the handmaids, and there is no wife or sex ceremony. It’s not identical but similar. 
> 
> This fic is entirely written, so you don’t have to worry about my not finishing it. I’m going to post updates Monday’s and Friday’s. It is 16 chapters long. 
> 
> Anyway, I think that’s it. Hope you enjoy.
> 
> **i really didn’t think this fic was as dark as it is, so I’ve added the Dead Dove tag. Please read with caution.**

The Takadona National Forest is vast and deep. I thought, foolishly, that they might never find us, hidden among the tall trees and jagged cliffs. I thought we would be safe here, foraging and hunting and living off the land. I thought, with the hope of a child, that we would survive.

I was wrong.

“Rey!” Rose gasps as she stumbles and tumbles over tree roots, the flash of her crimson jacket catching my eye. I hesitate - I don’t have  _ time  _ for this, but I refuse to leave her behind. My heart hammers against my chest as I grasp her arms and tug her to her feet. There’s not enough time for tears, but they track down her round cheeks and I ache because I got us here, I put us in this mess, it’s  _ my fault.  _ I take her hand and start running again, dragging her along with me as the troopers behind us gain precious ground.

Rose’s harsh panting breaths mingle with the sound of crunching leaves and snapping twigs. We zig-zag through the trees and I hear the troopers calling out to us. Then the hiss of a bullet as it whizzes over my shoulder. 

“Down!” I growl, and we crouch before finding a massive rock to hide behind.

“Rey -“ Rose gasps for air as her dark eyes search my face. It’s cold, autumn, the air crisp and our breath puffing out in white clouds. Sweat beads my hairline as I glance around, searching for an answer as though it is hidden in the pines around us. 

“We’re ok. It’s going to be ok,” I say, cupping her face in my mittens. They’re ratty and my pinky sticks out of a hole. Ben gave them to me for Christmas one year. I didn’t need them back then, safely ensconced in his mother’s school. I was never cold there, never hungry. Things have changed a lot since then. “We just need to keep moving. Find a safe place to wait then out.”

Rose groans softly and lets her head drop back against the rock. “I can’t,” she heaves out breathlessly. Above, a bird sings, the sound of predators closing in on us growing louder. “Go on, I’ll be fine.” She winces, and I shake my head. 

“I won’t leave you - I  _ can’t.  _ Please, Rose - get up!” I try to drag her to her feet but tears are coming faster now, and she sobs loudly. I crouch down and try to hush her but she’s hysterical. I wrap my arms around her, both of us bulky in our winter coats. My heart sinks, even as my brain races, trying to find the solution. But I know - deep down, as I wipe her tears and whisper reassurances - that this is it. My stomach tangled up with anxiety and dread and in a weird way,  _ relief.  _

We are omegas, after all. We aren’t built for this kind of rebellion. We’re meant to be quiet and soft and motherly, compliant, submissive. The men chasing us are surely alphas, probably thrilled at the hunt. My natural instincts to  _ obey  _ their commands have been screaming in the back of my head since we were discovered. I’ve been fighting my designation all of my life, though - I’m used to ignoring it. It’s harder for Rose. But none of it matters anymore.

It’s over. I tried as hard as I could. I fought to keep us safe, fed, protected. Leia would be proud, I hope. Blood pounds in my head for a few seconds as the world narrows down to just us, just this moment, as we stare into each other’s faces with defeat and love and sadness.

The hum of a taser-gun charging up - of  _ many  _ weapons activating - buzzes in my ears and Rose squeals, jerking back against the rock. I try to cover her with my body, one final protection, before there are hands on me, yanking my backwards onto my feet. I squirm, trying to break their hold, as voices shout around us. 

“I’ve got them, Commander!”

“Hold still, you little  _ bitch!” _

“She  _ bit  _ me!”

My eyes are wide as dinner plates as I struggle to reach my best friend. But they’re dragging us apart, and she calls my name one last time before I see him, and my heart sinks further into my stomach.

It’s Kylo Ren. I recognize him from the propaganda posters plastered all over the city in the weeks before we took off. They practically wallpapered anybavailanle wall and building. “Alphas for America!” With his long, muscular body in the fancy uniform and cape, helmet turned in profile, looking skyward. In real person, it’s less cartoonish and much more terrifying. Menacing in black from head to toe, mask over his face. The tallest person I’ve ever seen, he towers over not only me but all of the officers. Even though his face is hidden behind the black and silver mask, I swear I can feel his gaze penetrating me. The glands in my neck prickle, and I suck in a frightened breath as his heavy boots bring him even closer. I don’t want to cower - I refuse to turn into a weak, trembling omega mess before him. But he  _ is  _ the most deadly man in all of Chandrila, President Snoke’s favorite enforcer. 

One gloved hand shoots out to grip my chin and I bare my teeth, like a feral cat, and hiss at him. He is silent, tilting my face this way and that, as though he is studying me, looking for  _ something. _

“It’s you.” His voice is unfamiliar and mechanical through the apparatus of his mask. I wonder at his words for only a second, the length of two heartbeats, before he drops his hand and nods to one of the officers. I feel the prongs a split second before a jolt of electricity sips through me. Rose shrieks, and then everything goes black. 

  
  
  


——

  
  
  


When I come to consciousness, I’m asleep on a cot in a gray, windowless room. A cell, like a prisoner. I suppose I’ve been arrested. The thought doesn’t bother me as much as the throbbing ache in my head and neck. Gingerly, I sit up, letting my legs fall over the edge of the cot. I touch my face with gentle fingers, checking for an obvious wound. There’s a spot on my neck that feels raised and tender. It must be where they tased me.

I don’t have long to ruminate on my capture and apparent imprisonment. The door slides open, and a tall woman with short, curling platinum hair steps in. She’s dressed in a sharp charcoal suit with a red blouse beneath her blazer. I don’t need to scent the air to know she’s an alpha - red is their color. 

She drags in a metal chair and the door slides shut again. 

“Good afternoon. How are you feeling?” She smooths a hand down her trouser leg as she crosses her long legs, and doesn’t bother smiling. Her features are handsome and cool blue eyes track my every movement, like a bug under a magnifying glass. I go still.

“Where’s Rose? What happened to her?” My hands curl into fists at my sides.

“She’s fine. Don’t worry, we take very good care of our omegas.” There is an edge to her smile that I don’t like. 

“Where am I?”

“My, so many questions. I should’ve expected that, I suppose. He said you were inquisitive.” Her head cocks to the side as she studies me. “I don’t see it, but… I suppose his tastes would be as peculiar as  _ he  _ is.” She folds her hands together and shakes her head. “Don’t worry, omega. You’re safe. You’re being treated for your injuries, malnourishment, anemia. All those months starving yourself and suffering out in the forest - how silly.” 

I swallow back the words I wish to spit out at her. It wasn’t silly, it was  _ survival.  _ I took good care of us - the best that I could manage. But deep down, my guilt for hurting Rose in any way - from endangering her to letting us be captured - turns my empty stomach painfully. I wa t to tell her that I’d rather be alone and starving in the woods than some prized trophy broodmare sex slave, which is what I’m to become now. 

“I have some questions,” the woman says after a stretch of pregnant silence. She leans towards me. “Where did you get the suppressants?”

I blink, surprised. I didn’t expect that. The back of my neck burns as I try to find a good answer that  _ isn’t  _ the truth. I won’t throw Leia under the bus. Though, it might not matter. Who knows if she’s even still alive?

“Black market. In the city. I was… stocking up.” It’s not far fetched, and she purses her lips thoughtfully. That’s capitalism, right? So long as there is a demand, people will find a way to supply. 

“Where were you before Takadona?” 

I glance up to the curling as though the answer will be written for me there. A camera watches overhead, and someone is watching the feed nearby. I wonder if it’s Kylo Ren. A shiver slithers down my spine. 

“We slept in cars. Alleys. Wherever we could find a safe place.” I shrug and realize that I’m wearing some kind of medical scrubs. They’re pink. I wonder who changed me. “Before that, I lived at the Organa Omega House. I’m an orphan.” 

“Hm.” She nods, as though this lines up with what she assumed. Maybe she’s comparing mine and Rose’s stories. “Well, you’ve been off the map for almost six months. There was a hefty bounty for your capture. A man named Unkar Plutt tried to give information, but… he didn’t prove useful.” 

I scowl. I haven’t thought of Plutt in years. 

“Regardless, due to your… misguided escape attempt, your mate has been delayed in beginning the program. As soon as the doctor says you’re all set, he will be collecting you.” She starts to stand.

“Wait - what do you mean, my  _ mate _ ?” 

“Well, the mating mandate has been effect for nearly a year now. You’ve been selected a mate, and as soon as possible, you’ll have the ceremony, I’m sure. Start working on those pups.” Her smile is brittle as she speaks. I can see it in her eyes - she  _ pities  _ me. It rankles. “I have to hand it to him - Ren has his work cut out for him. But if anyone can tame you, I’m certain it’s him. The computer made a good match.”

My thoughts are coming so fast that I can hardly understand them. I have a mate - the mandate is in full swing - my mate is  _ Kylo Ren  _ \- I’m going to be mated and knotted and impregnated - 

I sag weakly against the cinderblock wall of my cell. It’s too much - I feel weak, and sick. Sweat breaks out across my forehead and neck. I think I’m going to vomit.

“Worry not, omega. All those troubles are behind you now.” She stands and nods to the camera. The door slides open, and then shut. I suck in deep breaths and curl onto my side. I squeeze my eyes shut and hot tears slide down my cheeks as I struggle to wrap my head around the horrors of my new reality.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting a day early because I love you guys & the response has been so lovely!

_ The Christmas tree is towering in the living room. Colorful lights blink on and off, glinting against the gobs of tinsel and silver bulbs hanging from its furry green branches. A fire crackles brightly under the decorated mantle. A portrait of the Organa-Solo family hangs there, a few years old. Ben is young, his ears hidden behind shaggy dark hair. Han looks less lined, less tired. There is a twinkle in Leia’s eye that Rey loves, that fiery spirit that attracts her towards the woman. Leia is an alpha, but one of the good ones. Ben is too, but… Rey isn’t quite sure what kind he is, yet. _

_ She feels pretty in a crimson, crushed-velvet dress with long sleeves and a short skirt that flares up when she twirls. She and the other omegas - there’s just her, Rose, Tallie, and Jess - have all dressed up to spend Christmas Eve playing board games and watching It’s a Wonderful Life on the old TV. They have to watch it on a video tape - it’s one of the banned media now. Christmas isn’t really celebrated anymore, it’s looked down on as “primitive.” But Rey is happy for this little rebellion. She’s never celebrated a holiday before, as a family, and it feels special.  _

_ Leia makes big bowls of popcorn and they drink hot cocoa as snow falls. There are a few presents under the tree and the girls whisper and wonder at what they could be. Rose is the only one that doesn’t seem as excited as Rey feels. But she’s the newest. Probably thinking about her parents, her older sister Paige. An alpha. She’s been sent to Leia’s brother Luke Skywalker, far across the country to the Dakota colonies.  _

_ It’s nearly nine, almost bedtime, when Ben arrives, bringing in snowflakes and a parcel tucked under his arm. Han grunts out, “You’re late, kid,” and Ben mumbles a response so quietly that no one can hear. Leia fusses over him, pulling off his coat and scarf and scolding him about his wet boots. Rey watches the interaction from across the room. Her heart aches because she will never know what it’s like to be annoyed by a mother fretting, but she’s happy because Ben is handsome and kind to her, and sometimes he seems so sad that it feels as though her heart might shatter  _ for  _ him.  _

_ When Leia shoos the rest of them up to bed, Ben catches her at the foot of the carved stairs and guides her into the library. Rey loves the big old house, all the varnished wood and antique furniture and big windows that let in the sunshine - and so many books, so much to learn.  _

_ “I didn’t get the others anything, so I wanted to give it to you alone,” Ben says, pressing the wrapped package into her hands. Rey’s breath catches in surprise. _

_ “You shouldn’t have!” But she tears into the paper, making him chuckle. A pair of red mittens, thick and soft and warm. She rubs them against her cheek and beams at him, smiling so hard it hurts. “They’re perfect. I love them.” _

_ Ben stares at her in the darkness. Only the moonlight spilling through parted curtains illuminates them. Shaking fingers trace her cheekbone, and she instinctively rubs her cheek against his wrist, scenting him. She hasn’t presented yet, of course - she’s only twelve - but she’s seen it done in movies. Ben inhales sharply, then tips her face up to meet his gaze.  _

_ “Merry Christmas, Rey.” His lips brush her forehead, his spicy scent filling her lungs and making her throat tingle, and she thinks it’s a better gift than the mittens.  _

  
  
  


——

  
  
  


I wake to a persistent med droid calling my name. Bleary, I blink and sit up. A vivid memory-dream, one that usually would comfort me, but today makes me uneasy. I feel a little warm, a little edgy. I suppose being imprisoned in a tiny room with nothing to do for days on end might do that to a person. Even us  _ simple  _ omegas.

“I am required to remove your implant,” the droid informs me. I weigh my options - comply and have it taken out, or protest and have it taken out. I settle on compliance, as I’m too weak to fight. I’ve been sleeping a lot lately. I ask the droid why, and the response makes me feel defeated. “You’ve been on suppressants for too long. You’re withdrawing from the medication.”

Which means that in the very near future, I’ll be forced into a heat. I’ve only had one, when I was sixteen, and there is a flutter in my womb at the memory. I can’t think about that now.

I let the droid do it’s job. I’ve asked it questions in the past, but it says the same thing. “ _ I am not authorized to answer that.”  _ Not about the weather, or Rose, or anything. I sit quietly as my arm is cut open and the droid finds the birth control implant, slipping it out and sewing me back up. 

My heat will come. Kylo Ren is going to mate me. And then I’ll be pregnant. I want to scream and tear my hair out and punch something. It’s not  _ fair.  _ Just because I was born this way - because I was born an omega - I’m going to be taken as some kind of domestic prisoner by a mass murderer. I feel so powerless, like I had been as a child living on the streets, with my drug addicted parents that didn’t care enough to love me or care for me. All I could do was wait, wait for them to maybe remember me, wait for them to come back, to feed me - and now all I can do is wait for my  _ alpha  _ and some unseen doctors to declare me stable enough to fulfill my destiny.

The droid says nothing as I begin to cry. It slips out the door and I sob into my knees as I wait some more. 

  
  
  


——

  
  
  


Sometime later, I startle awake after a dreamless sleep that leaves me far from rested. My eyes feel swollen, my head like it’s been stuffed with cotton. But all of that becomes secondary as I realize I’m not alone in my cell. 

I move slowly, letting my gaze travel up from the heavy boots to the long legs and lean torso, broad shoulders and chest. The helmet is so black and shiny that I can almost see myself reflected in its surface. He’s leaning against the wall opposite of me, cape hanging over one shoulder, arms folded. I’m afraid to move, to draw too deep a breath. 

I can smell him, through all of the impenetrable layers of his uniform.  _ Alpha.  _ Spicy and dark and heavy, making the roof of my mouth tingle and my neck itch. Without the suppressants and the blockers, I can smell his designation so much stronger than before. It hits me like a tidal wave, and I sway where I’m propped up on an elbow.

“Don’t worry,” his voice is smooth but artificial through the mask. “You’ll get used to it, little omega.” 

I don’t respond.

“You’re smelling better by the day, Rey. All those harmful chemicals are leaving your system. It’s very unhealthy, you know.” He sounds… amused. I cower on my cot and start to sweat. “The doctors are ready to release you tomorrow. By the smell of things, your heat will start within the week. We’ll have a small wedding ceremony, then the mating ritual, of course.”

“You can’t  _ do  _ this to me,” I whisper in a hoarse voice strangled by fear. 

“Oh, Rey.” He chuckles, steps closer and drops into a crouch do that our faces - or my face, and his soulless black mask - are level. “I can take whatever I want from you now. As it should be - as it always should be.” 

One gloved hand cups my chin, fingers biting into my skin painfully. I might bruise. “President Snoke has changed the country. Alphas are in their rightful place, at the top. You can stop pretending that this isn’t what you want. That it’s not what you were born for.”

“I’m more than just some - some  _ warm  _ hole for you to knot,” I snap, adrenaline flooding my system. I’m trembling. “I can do more than - than breed your pups and lay on my back for you!”

“Oh, you wouldn’t be on your back,” Ren chuckles lowly. I want to smack him - and as if he could read my thoughts, he grabs my hand before it can do anything. “Be smart, Rey. Accept your fate as my omega. You will never escape me again.” 

He rises gracefully and strides to the door. He seems to hesitate, turning halfway to face me. “Your friend… she’s not a fighter like you. She’s been mated to one of my colleagues. Maybe someday you will see her again.” And then the door sweeps open and he’s gone.

I bite my lip. Tears sting my eyes. It’s the littlest morsel of information, but one I desperately needed and cling to with the first spark of hope I’ve felt since being captured. 

Rose is alive. And if I play along, if I fall into my role, I might even see her. 

I hate him - it burns hot through my body and makes my nails bite into the heels of my hands as I clench my fists and gnash my teeth together. But at least… at least she’s alive, she hasn’t been sent to a camp. 

We’re both alive. It’s more than I had allowed myself to hope for. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not sure why I tried to set a posting schedule as i am obviously incapable of keeping it

The next morning - I can only assume it’s morning, without windows - the blonde woman is back. I’m woken to her jamming a needle in my ass and before I can protest, a hazy calm blankets me. I let her pull me to my feet and shuffle me through the door and down a long, lilting hallway. She smiles at men in trooper uniforms, white coats, fancy suits. I think they’re all alphas, but I’m drugged and unsteady and I can’t conjure the energy to care. 

Droids are waiting in a white tiled bathroom. There are no mirrors, just uniform basins and sinks along a wall, stalls hiding toilets. I sink into a tub of warm water once my clothes are removed. The woman - I never learned her name - taps on her tablet as the droids soap me and wash my hair. I’m woozy as I step out, I let them wrap me in a robe. 

“I think they got the dosage wrong,” Blonde Woman grumbles as she guides me into the next room. She helps me crawl on top of a frigid metal table, under a bright light. More droids flutter around. I’m vaguely aware as they remove the hair from my legs and between my legs and under my arms. It stings, but I don’t so much as flinch. I feel like I’m watching it happen from above, to another person. Someone else is being poked, prodded - they do something to my eyebrows, they trim the dead ends off my hair, they buff and smooth my skin until - I’m sure - it’s soft and smooth. 

“Ren is beside himself,” the woman informs me as we move into another room. I sway as she dresses me in a white gown, soft silk that clings to my body and skims the floor. “I don’t get the obsession - but, to each their own.” 

“Me either,” I slur.

She chuckles as she braids my hair back. I’m not sure what is happening - distantly, I remember Kylo Ren discussing ceremonies. It must be my wedding day. Good for me. 

“He’s always been quite single minded when it comes to getting what he wants. Never quite  _ this  _ intense,” she adds thoughtfully. “Must be some virgin-heat obsession.”

At that, I giggle. “I’m not a virgin.”

Her hands freeze, hovering over my head. She goes as still as a statue, ones I had seen pictures of in encyclopedias back at Leia’s. Kylo Ren reminds me of Michaelangelo’s David, towering and powerful and hard, cold. David must have been  _ some _ alpha back in the day. 

“What?” Blonde Woman’s voice is high and distant. Like she’s speaking from very far away, down a dark tunnel.

I sigh wistfully. “I presented at sixteen. An alpha helped me through it. It surprised all of us.” I remember Leia’s worried face and Ben slamming the door on it, how hot I felt and the slick smeared down my thighs. The memory floats away as the woman plops a crown of pretty daisies on my head.

“I highly recommend you keep that to yourself,” she says sternly. Finally, she steps back to take me in, barefoot in silk with flowers in my hair. She sighs, “I did my best,” before picking her tablet again. I can’t see myself, but I’m sure I’ve been molded into the image of Kylo Ren’s ideal omega bride. The sleeves of my dress are tight, down to my wrists, and the bodice hugs my skinny torso then flares at the hip. The neckline is high, covering my throat. 

“It’s time to go.”

Lazily, I’m shuffled down another hall. An elevator glides us down, down, until it opens. The woman catches my elbow and drags me down another hallway, but this one is gleaming dark wood and deep crimson paint.  _ Fancy.  _ My fingers trail over the walls until I’m pulled inside a grand room with vaulted ceilings and wide windows that let in the sunshine I haven’t seen in so long. It’s so bright that I squint and turn away. There are people - well dressed, sitting, waiting for  _ me  _ I quickly realize. There is an altar and Kylo Ren is standing there in his uniform and mask, hands behind his back, head turned towards me. The room falls silent as the blonde drags me towards him.

“She’s your problem now,” she hisses as I’m deposited in front of him. My heart lurches weakly and I try to reach for her, but the blonde pushes me into his chest and stalks away. 

Kylo Ren turns me - the crowd murmurs, a few chuckles at my obvious distress - so that I face him. A tiny man clears his throat beside us. My ears are ringing as I blink back tears, and Ren takes my hands as the man begins to read our vows.

I wonder where Leia is - if she’s even alive. She had taught me so much. An omega was a person, a person deserving love and kindness. A person capable of more than just breeding pups and taking knots. She had given me so much hope - that someday I could be like her. I could help omegas like me, kids lost to the streets with shit parents and no hope for the future. Yet here I am, marrying a monster. Hope sucked out of me like a vacuum. 

I wonder what’s happened to Han. Probably fled for somewhere tropical with Chewie. It makes me smile, imagining him and his giant mastiff on some white sand beach, away from the troubles here.

My omega sisters are probably already pregnant. Mated off to random men. Alone, like me, with no one to save them. 

Ren’s hands squeeze mine. I look up nervously, and the minister clears his throat. “Repeat after me, dear.” I nod reluctantly and feel my soon to be husband’s hidden stare as I promise to be obedient and faithful, in sickness and health, and then it’s time for the collar. 

I read that they used to use rings. But what is more fitting for a show of ownership than a collar? Kylo Ren motions for me to turn, and I do, lifting my hair mechanically as he drapes the delicate silver chain around my neck. There’s a flat plate in the middle, with what I assume are his initials engraved on it. Something possessive like that, anyway. I let my hair fall, and turn to face him with a sting expression.

I’m numb. This is really happening, and the drugs have kept me so calm. I can’t imagine how hysterical I would be without them. I feel sleepy now that they’re wearing off. I haven’t been this active in a while.

“You may kiss your bride, Mr. Ren.” The minister snaps his Bible shut and I can’t believe I have forgotten this part. 

Kylo Ren seems reluctant as he lifts his hands to unlatch the mask at his throat. It hisses quietly as the front shifts, giving him space to pull it from his head. It’s like the air has been sucked from the room - I hear some gasps from the crowd but I can’t tear my eyes from him. 

He removes the helmet, propping it in the crook of his arm. He shakes his silky black hair, which curls in soft waves. His skin is pale, clean-shaven. A full mouth below a long nose. Two dark amber eyes framed by thick eyelashes peer back at me, expectant. My heartbeats once, twice, as shock washes over me, delayed by the hazy drugs I’ve been given. I open my mouth to say his name - his  _ true  _ name - but instead, his mouth crashes down upon mine and I’m being kissed. The room tilts as his taste explodes on my tongue, stronger than I remember, less gentle, more in control.

When he pulls back, there is a glint in his eye that I’ve never seen before. It reminds me of his mother. 

  
  
  


——

  
  
  


_ On a spring day in her sixteenth year, Rey goes into heat. She’s learned all about it in health lessons, but it doesn’t make sense. She writes it off as a virus and lazes in bed reading some banned books that Leia saved from a book-burning in Chandrila Square a few weeks ago. Rose is the one that tells Leia that Rey is feeling ill, and Artoo delivers her a tray of lunch that she barely picks at.  _

_ It’s not surprising when Ben breezes into her room that afternoon. He always finds ways to spend time with her - toeing her leg under the dinner table on Saturday evenings when he’s home from university. Afternoon walks around the courtyard when he spares them a quick weekday visit. At night, sometimes, he tosses stones at her bedroom window and whispers to her under the stars. It’s… overwhelming. How deeply he cares for her. No one has ever shown her this much attention, or affection, and it makes her feel simultaneously smothered and greedy for more. _

_ She’s wearing a high-necked nightgown that sticks to her sweaty flesh when he comes to see her. She sits up as he strides in the room, and frowns when he freezes up. His nostrils flare as his eyes flutter shut. _

_ “Rey?” His voice trembles as he slowly blinks his eyes open at her.  _

_ “Ben? What’s wrong?” She stands on wobbly legs and cross the small room to put her hands on his chest. She’s never noticed how small her hands are - or how firm and broad his chest is - until that moment. When he lowers his eyes to meet her questioning gaze, his pupils have swallowed the rim of amber and they’re black as coal. She gasps as he hunches over her, hands gripping her waist and his nose in her sweaty hair.  _

_ “Rey, you smell…” He inhales deeply as if to prove his point. “Are you…?” _

_ “I’m sick,” she replies softly. _

_ “You’re in heat,” he whispers. And then he lifts her - so easily, as though she were a rag doll - and lays her on the narrow bed. “You’ve made a nest.”  _

_ Rey glances at the pile of pillows and blankets she had accumulated over the last few days. She hadn’t thought much of it - wanting the softest blankets and fluffiest pillows - but now she can see that he’s right. She’s built a nest without even realizing it.  _

_ “Is it for me, omega?” Ben asks gently as he arranges her arms around his neck, pulling her legs around his hips. She isn’t scared, or nervous - Ben never makes her feel badly. Not even when he argues with Han and Leia, slamming the door after stomping through the house, their raised, angry voices. Ben has told her a hundred times - his parents beliefs are outdated. It’s just political. Not to worry.  _

_ When Ben finds her gland and gives it a long lick, any thoughts she has fly from her mind. It’s like lightning, it’s like fire, it singes through her veins and makes the heat ratchet higher. Rey squeezes her legs around his waist and threads her fingers through his silky hair.  _

_ “Gonna take care of you, Rey,” Ben promises against her skin. She shivers. She believes him.  _

_ He paws at her small breasts through her nightgown and when his thumb brushes her nipple, Rey whines. She needs more of that - much more. He sits back long enough to pull the fabric over her head, tossing it away carelessly. He traces gentle fingers over her rib cage and over her trembling belly. The underwear that covers her sex is drenched and sticky. He ducks down to inhale her scent, whining as he noses her inner thigh. _

_ “I’ve wanted you for so long, Rey,” Ben tells her as he pulls her panties down. “I’ve dreamed about this - the best dreams. How you would smell, how you would taste…” _

_ She doesn’t know what to say. She lets him touch her everywhere as the fire burns brighter, as the hormones take over. Rey kisses him back fiercely, her sense of modesty evaporating as he unbuttons his shirt and kicks off his slacks. Instinct makes her turn to her belly, knees beneath her, offering him her body in the most primal way there is.  _

_ “Please, alpha…” _

_ Big hands slide down her sides, sending whimpers from her lips. Ben kneels behind her, grasping her hips. She feels small and delicate beneath him. Her body is buzzing with lust and need. She would do whatever he wanted to keep going, anything he asks. But there are no words, just their harsh pants in the sunny bedroom, their scents mixing and the bed springs squeaking as his weight settles on the bed. His cock nudges between her swollen, dripping folds.  _

__

_ It’s a blur as he pushes in. How did they get from point A to point B? All Rey knows is that Ben is taking care of her, making her feel so good and so special. He groans into her back as his hips slide home, filling her to the brim and making both of them tremble.  _

_ “Mine,” Ben murmurs as his hips slowly rock into her. Each stroke drags quiet moans from her throat, bringing her closer and closer to something incredible. “My Rey, my omega.  _ **_Mine_ ** .”

_ Rey can hardly respond. She feels his tongue on her mating gland and it’s so forbidden - so taboo and impolite - that it breaks her, shattering into a million pieces, in unutterable ecstasy that she hadn't known was possible. It doesn’t take long before Ben follows, knot catching, swelling inside of her as his spend fills her. Locked together, panting, Rey feels as though she has finally crossed some threshold. She’s a woman now, a real omega. There is no turning back now.  _


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 👀👀

I’m speechless, still high on whatever they gave me, when Kylo lifts me from the floor and carries me through the crowded hall. People are cheering - it competes with the sound of blood roaring in my ears - as we exit the building into the bright sunshine. It’s winter and cold and my nipples pebble against the silk bodice of my dress. A car is waiting - a sleek black SUV. A man opens the door and Kylo Ren gracefully climbs in, settling me on his lap. The door closes, and I’m alone with this monster again.

“Put me down,” I demand, but my words are weak. He listens, settling me beside him on leather seats. They have internal warmers and it’s a comfort considering my thin dress.

We sit in silence as the vehicle pulls forward. The windows are tinted nearly black. His helmet is still off, resting on the floor between his boots. I cross my arms over my chest and huff softly. 

Ben is Kylo Ren. That’s a twist I never could have seen coming. 

I can’t marry the two in my head. Gentle, loving Ben, whispering his adoration in stolen moments with secret kisses. Helping me through my first heat and then… disappearing. To become Kylo Ren, enforcer and executioner, the face of President Snoke’s pro-alpha propaganda. I can’t imagine what happened - what made him become this masked terror. I want to ask but I’d rather swallow my teeth than speak to him. 

“You’ll like the estate,” he drawls, as though the silence is too much for even him to bear. I turn my face to the window, pretending I can’t hear. “There is plenty of room for you to roam, once I know you won’t try anything stupid.”

There’s probably going to be an armed guard outside my cell, like where I was before. Cameras on me twenty-four seven until I’m mated and bred. My stomach churns anxiously. 

“Artoo is looking forward to seeing you.”

My head snaps to look at him in surprise. “Artoo is there?”

“Of course. Once my mother went into hiding, I took him with me.” Kylo gazed down at me i tensely. His amber eyes are so familiar but so  _ cold _ . Like a stranger. It makes my skin crawl. And then it registers what he’s said.

“Leia is alive?” I hate how small my voice sounds.

He grits his teeth and nods once. “She’s got a network. You know how sneaky and well-connected she is.”

It’s a small relief. But I take it. “Where is Rose?”

“She’s mated to General Hux. Poor thing.” Kylo snorts and shifts, leaning back against the leather seat. One heavy arm wraps around my shoulders to drag me closer to him. I push against his side but my strength is no match for him; instead, it makes him chuckle. “I’m glad to see the spirit hasn’t been taken from you yet, Rey. It will be so good to break you on my own.” The leather of his glove is cool and soft as he touches under my chin, forcing my head back to meet his gaze. 

“You won’t break me. You won’t.” It sounds like I’m trying to convince both of us. 

“I’ve waited five years, omega. I’ve been extremely patient. I did my duty and I’ve already  _ won.  _ Can’t you see that? Leia would never have let me keep you. But now I can.” His grin is entirely predatory. And though he smells so good, I can’t help but recoil like the prey that I am. 

“I’m not a possession, Ben.”

“Do not,” he hisses deadly quiet, “call me that.  _ Ever again. _ ”

Maybe it’s the drugs of the insanity of this situation but I lean closer - I don’t miss the way he shudders as my scent, no longer obscured by medication, washes over him. “Ben Solo.” 

His eyes flutter shut. I smirk.

Then I’m being pinned by the throat to the seat, on my back and gasping as he squeezes the sides of my neck. My glands sing at the rough contact but I claw at him like an animal, pulling his hair and raking my nails across his cheeks. The fancy collar digs into my sensitive skin under his strong hand. 

“Ben Solo is dead. I killed him.” His brows furrow together as he speaks, staring down at me restrained under his hand. “I am not that young pup anymore, blinded by some foolish notion of love. I am your  _ alpha. _ You belong to me.”

The unspoken meaning is plain to me.  _ I can do with you whatever I want.  _ My heart pounds, desperate. Our eyes lock and I don’t know the man staring back at me. I try to swallow and it triggers him to let me go, snatching his hand back as though I’ve scalded him. 

“Things will be easier once you submit to me. Once we are mated, it will be different. You’ll see.” He smooths a hand through his beautiful hair and schools his expression into something neutral. I slowly sit up, rubbing my tender throat, feeling my new collar. 

We don’t speak until the SUV pulls down a long lane flanked by trees. An impressively high fence boarders the property. The gate swings open, and we drive through. I try not to care - but this will be my home until I figure out how to escape. It’s a beautiful cage, blanketed in snow. The estate is dark stone, with two wings branching off from the middle. It’s a bit excessive, for just one man. But I suppose being part of President Snoke’s inner circle affords one certain luxuries.

“See? Plenty of room.” Kylo sounds pleased and I tear my eyes away to shoot him an annoyed look. “We’ll have as many pups as we can.”

“What if I don’t want any?” I ask.

“You’ll change your mind once we’re mated.” His confidence makes mine waver. 

He insists on carrying me over the threshold. I shiver in his strong arms. Couldn’t he have brought me a coat? I keep my mouth shut until he deposits me on my feet inside the spacious foyer. Vaulted ceilings, hardwood floors that shine under the glowing chandelier. It’s opulent. I don't know how I will ever feel like this beautiful mansion is my  _ home.  _

But, I’m reminded that I felt the same way about Leia’s home. Coming from nothing, it felt like a fairytale castle. This place makes Leia’s cozy cape cod look shabby in comparison. 

While I’m taking in the foyer, Kylo is ridding himself of the ridiculous cape. “I’ll take you to your quarters. Likely, Artoo will be waiting.” 

I can’t help the flutter of excitement in my chest. Artoo - or, R2D2, one of the droids that had helped Leia and Han at the Omega House - will be a familiar and welcomed presence. I follow Kylo as he stalks up the curved stairway to the second floor. A big round window overlooks the snow-capped yard that unfurls out to a thick tree line. I wonder how far the property goes on for. Kylo pushes open a set of double doors. It opens into a small sitting room, and beyond that a big canopied bed flanked by matching nightstands. I tiptoe in behind him, eyes roving over the walnut furnishings and stiff, antique sitting chairs and sofa. 

“You’ll stay here, for now. I’m locking you in. I don’t trust you - but just so you know,” Kylo says as his lips curl into a smirk, “the fence around the property is electrified. There are troopers patrolling. You might escape but you won’t be unharmed. And I’m not giving you any shoes.”

“Of course. Barefoot and pregnant.” I roll my eyes as his expression shifts to something softer. 

“There’s a bathroom. I’ll send Artoo. I’m sure you’ll want to rest before your big night.” 

“Big night?” I parrot, frowning. 

Kylo smiles softly, ducking his head. Almost… bashful. It doesn’t make sense to see this cold blooded killer look so much like Ben, just dressed up in some silly costume. My heart does a strange flip, until he lifts his face. It’s not  _ bashful  _ at all - his grin is sinister, sharp. 

“You know what happens on wedding nights, Rey. We have to consummate.” I’m frozen to the spot as he stalks towards me - so much bigger than me, stronger, his pheromones flooding my senses. “And I’m so looking forward to taking you again.” 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW - I’m going to label this chapter as noncon just to cover my bases. Please, do not read further if this makes you uncomfortable. If you wish to skip to the bottom I’ll summarize the chapter there. You’ve been warned.

Artoo rolls into my quarters shortly after Kylo leaves them. The drugs are wearing off, and I’m sleepy. He chirps and whistles at me, nudging me out of my wedding dress and under the sheets. They must be a billion thread count, they’re so soft. Artoo is overjoyed to see me and I lazily pat his domed head as I fall asleep, listening to his comforting noises. 

It’s dark when I wake up. My stomach rumbles - I haven’t eaten all day, except for a breakfast I was too doped up and nervous to eat. Artoo brings a tray of food, just like old times, and I tell him about Rose and I and our failed escape and - what feels like - our inevitable capture. I want to ask questions about Ben - about Han and Leia - but I’m scared to know the answers. 

I take a long shower, despite having been washed this morning. My body feels strange without hair between my legs or on my legs. I wash methodically and try not to think about what’s about to happen to me. 

_ Sex.  _ Outside of heat. Which, I’ve never done. And I’ve only had one heat before going on suppressants. Even after President Snoke banned them, as well as birth control, Leia made sure that we had enough to last for a long time. 

Maybe if I close my eyes and pretend hard enough, I can believe it’s Ben. The one who kissed me sweetly and went so slow. The one who held me as I shook apart countless times during that first heat. I won’t lie and say I haven’t thought about it - of course I have. My heart broke when Leia banished him from the house, and it broke further when I watched him leave. I always thought that some day, we would find a way back to each other. That Leia would forgive him for being an  _ alpha  _ and helping me through my heat. That she would understand that we were in love. 

I’m still in the shower, moping about my fate, when the door opens. I glare at Kylo through the fogged glass door. He stomps over and wrenches it open. He’s wearing pajamas and for a moment my heart and brain forgets that he’s not Ben anymore. He looks so soft in a black T-shirt and gray sweats, hair slightly damp from his own shower and curling around his face. Then he sighs, annoyed, and cuts the water off as I protest.

“You’ve been in there long enough. No more hiding.” His big hand wraps around my arm and drags me out. The tiles are slippery under my feet but he holds me steady and towels me dry. “We have to consummate or the union could be annulled. You’d go to another alpha. Is that what you want?”

“Maybe,” I mutter. But he hears - of course he does, with those big alpha ears - and stops to twist me close to his chest.

“Do you  _ think  _ every omega is as lucky and spoiled as you are, Rey? Not everyone can afford a home like this. Not every omega gets to live in private quarters. Some alphas already have wives - not  _ mates _ , but betas they chose to marry. At least you don’t have to compete with that.”

I shrink back but he won’t let go of my arm. I’m dragged into the bedroom, where the sheets are still tangled from my nap. My hair drips down my skin, drawing goosebumps out. I shiver as he pushes me down, naked. It finally seems to catch his attention as his dark gaze is drawn to my breasts. He sucks in a deep breath as his eyes travel over my body. I’m too upset to be self-conscious. 

I don’t want to belong to Kylo or any other alpha. I just want to be free to do my own thing. I want to study and read and have an apartment with Rose and take my suppressants so that no one will bother me. I want  _ Ben  _ back, I think as he looms over me with dilated pupils and a bulge in his sweatpants. 

“You look the same,” he finally says. 

I turn my face away. I refuse to cry in front of him. 

I close my eyes. I keep breathing as his hot palms smooth down my thighs, spreading them open. Slow, controlled, confident. So different from the blurry memories of my heat when it felt like he was shaking just as much as me. I jerk in surprise when I feel his fingers tracing my labia, spreading me open. His breath is warm against me. Despite the war inside of me, my body responds to the stimulation. Slick makes his fingers glide over my clit and I suck in a shaky breath as he touches me.

“How many knots have you taken, Rey?” Ben -  _ Kylo _ , I correct myself - asks as he circles the bundle of nerves so gently. 

I bite my lip, shaking my head.

“Come on now, we’re already married. I’ll mate you regardless. I just want to know,” he says, dipping his finger just inside of me, making my back arch, “who I need to kill after you’re mine?”

“No one!” I gasp and I’m rewarded with a second finger plunging inside. His hands are big, his fingers long and thick, and it stretches as he fucks them into me.

“Who saw you through your heats?” Thumb pressing on my clit in time with the fingers that slide in and out, in and out. I can feel that I’m soaked, my nipples are tight, needy peaks, my whole body is flushed pink. It’s too easy to forget who he is, to lose myself in the pleasure he’s giving me. 

“N-no heats. Just the first - just you.” He pauses, and I whine, rolling my hips towards him. 

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not,” I say, shaking my head. “Just you,  _ please _ -“ Who am I? Begging for this monster to touch me? But he seems to regain his control or composure and the next thing I know, his mouth is on my cunt, licking my clit and sucking roughly. His teeth nip at my swollen lips and his tongue plunges inside. I thrash wildly on the rumpled sheets - I grip his beautiful hair then release it, not wanting to touch it. I don’t have time to think before he’s sending me over the edge, moaning my pleasure as he licks up my slick. His mouth and chin are shiny when he pulls back, staring at me hungrily. His cock is tenting those sweatpants now and he quickly loses them, as well as his shirt, before climbing on top of me. 

There are no more words as he hitches my legs up, spread wide. He sinks into me with no preamble. His cock is bigger than his fingers and I breathe through it, as he stretches me open, inch by inch. He bottoms out and draws back before repeating the slow process, watching my face the whole time. It feels good, being speared by his hard length, filled almost to the brink. I can’t look at him - the face of my only lover and the deadliest killer in the country. I fist the sheets and let him fuck me, keeping quiet save for a few whimpers, until he decides to flip me over. 

“On your knees, omega,” Kylo says, voice deep and husky. It’s an alpha command, and it rankles as I obey. I know what he wants, and I assume the pose - chest on the bed with my knees spread wide. He must be  _ admiring  _ me as it takes a few moments before he fills me again. The angle is better - it strikes something inside of me, making pleasure zip through my body like electricity. I moan, despite my mixed feelings. 

“You like it,” Kylo huffs as he drapes over my back. His hands cover mine and he sucks at my gland. It makes me cave, makes me weak, and I shiver as my climax builds faster. “You like being my omega, you like me fucking you. Could have fucked anyone you wanted, Rey - could’ve had any alpha in the world, but you waited for me. Isn’t that right, sweet girl?”

I can’t answer - I’m lost to the sensation of his cock and his hands and his scent. I arch so hard my back aches but he doesn’t relent. He drives into me, hips snapping against my ass, slick spilling down my thighs and making a mess on the bed. 

“Say it, Rey - say you’re mine,” he commands. His teeth scrape my mating gland and I’m gone.

“Yours, I’m yours,” I chant as I fall apart, walls fluttering as my eyes roll back and my body succumbs to sensation. Everything goes to static, I can barely breathe, until he groans against my mating gland and I feel the warmth of his come inside of me, knot swelling and locking us together. It shouldn’t feel so good - I should be mad, I should have put up a fight - but none of it matters as Kylo rolls us onto our sides, curling around me and groaning as more seed pumps into me.

A while later, he licks the gland at my neck and sighs. “Your heat will start tomorrow or the next day. I need to prepare.”

Kylo slips from the bed as I doze off, unwilling to confront my contradictory emotions. I hear him dress and then the door clicks shut, leaving me in the messy bed, boneless and wrung out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo and Rey consummate their wedding to prevent any concern of annulment. Rey is reluctant to have sex but doesn’t outright refuse. She feels guilt over her mixed feelings and enjoyment of the act, and reveals Kylo/Ben is the only man or alpha she’s been with.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. I just wanted to check in and let you know that this will be my last fic for a while. Due to real life issues, I need to focus on original fiction/making money. I will continue to post updates until this fic is finished. I want to thank everyone for their support and readership over the years, for helping me learn and grow as a writer. It means so much to me! 
> 
> In the meantime, I’ll be looking for beta readers for my original omegaverse fiction. If you’re interested, please let me know! 
> 
> **TW in this chapter for thoughts of suicide and some violence**

I sleep through the night, waking at dawn as the sky is beginning to lighten. My body is  _ sore _ , which is surprising. It feels like I got hit by a freight train. I guess sex just feels like that, sometimes. 

I climb out of bed on shaky legs and use the bathroom. I look in the mirror for the first time in months. My hair - which I had brushed after my shower - is messy and dull brown. I’m too thin, my breasts small, but sit high on my chest. I look scrawny, almost frail. Probably super hot to a power hungry alpha like Kylo. I roll my eyes. I’m pale and freckled and I look sickly. I guess they were right about the malnourishment. 

In the bedroom, I open a wardrobe and find many dresses. Mostly in pale, pastel colors. Not very practical or warm, but since I’m not getting any shoes, I doubt I’ll be needing  _ practical or warm  _ clothes. I grab one without looking and put it on, after searching and failing to find a bra and underwear. This is all by Kylo’s design, of course. I’m like a doll for him to dress how he likes, position how he likes, fuck how he likes… I try not to examine how I had enjoyed the latter part, maybe a bit too much, if the ache between my legs is anything to go by.

I find my way to the kitchen. It’s big and open, an island in the middle where Kylo is perched on a stool, back in his black uniform. The mask is on the chair beside him. He glances up from the tablet that is dwarfed in his hands, eyebrows lifting, surprised.

“I figured you’d be out for a while. Are you hungry?” He stands and fusses about the kitchen, pouring me a glass of juice as I sit. I take a sip once he’s handed it to me, and watch him cut me a piece of quiche. It smells good, and I dig right in. 

“I have to work,” Kylo says in a halting voice. “Artoo will keep you company, help you with anything you need.”

I chew thoughtfully. “Would he help me escape?”

Kylo sighs and rolls his dark amber eyes. “He missed you too much. He wants you here.” 

“Him, or you?” 

Kylo studies me for a long, inscrutable moment before grabbing his tablet. “Should your heat begin before I arrive home, Artoo will notify me directly.”

“Great,” I grumble. Kylo leaves without another word and I sag, relieved, as the door slams behind him.

I finish my breakfast and decide to explore my new home. It’s huge, decorated in a blend of expensive antiques and sleek, masculine modern pieces that should clash but somehow work. The living room has a massive television above the mantle - I wonder what happened to that portrait of the Organa-Solo’s - and it takes a few clicks on the remote before I get it to turn on. It’s set to a news channel, and I eagerly lean in to see what I can learn.

I haven’t watched the news in months. After the mandate went into effect, it was chaos. Leaving with Rose, as Leia was a target of the new regime. Anyone that went against Smoke was a target. She was a very  _ loud _ voice in the resistance against him. 

“Yesterday, the First Order executed a successful raid against a group of rebels on the north side of Chandrila. The terrorists have been held accountable for their crimes, and were executed at sunrise…” I watch with mounting horror as men and women are dragged from a dilapidated building in the Jakku district. I see them forced to their knees and lined up, hands bound behind their backs. I can’t hear them over the newscaster’s commentary, but I can imagine them begging for their lives. 

Kylo appears, igniting the saber he unclips from his belt. It crackles red, and in a swift move he begins to execute the rebels one by one, lopping their heads off before moving on to the next. My jaw drops and I can’t stop watching the violence in front of me. 

I knew he was evil. I knew that because I had heard the stories and seen the propaganda. But to see him in action - actively  _ murdering  _ people whose only offense is going against President Snoke. What terrorism have they truly committed? My heart aches for them, for their families. I turn the television off and lean back, deep in thought.

The mandate was put into place a year ago, after years of declining birth rates among alphas and omegas. We were dying out - and Snoke believed the reason was that omegas had too much freedom. They could pair off with beta’d or other omegas, or use birth control to ensure they couldn’t get pregnant. They started working outside the home, becoming independent, were protected under legislation against discrimination. It was good - good god people like me. But alphas we’re struggling to find mates and bear pups… which was how President Snoke was elected. He ran on a pro-alpha platform, riling up the majority of alphas that were frustrated. It worked. And then omegas began losing rights, and that is how I ended up married to Kylo Ren.

When Ben spoke about his difference in political opinion from his parents, I had no idea it was in support of  _ this.  _ It makes me feel so young, so  _ stupid.  _ He felt like this back  _ then _ , when he was my sweet and gentle lover. This would have always been my fate, with him. 

I start to pace the room. There are built-in bookshelves heavy with countless titles. I remember that about him - he loved to read. Especially old books -  _ A Wrinkle in Time  _ was one of his favorites and he read it to me under the shade of an oak tree in the courtyard at Leia’s. I remember Rose and Tallie hanging in the limbs above us, listening as well. 

What would Leia think of all this? What would she want me to do? I know despite their differences she loved him fiercely, with her whole heart. Han too, in his own way. I know they wouldn’t abandon him forever, but maybe if they knew what he was like now -  _ how  _ he was now - they could forgive me for hating him. For being scared. Would he hurt me? Was he capable of that? Watching him execute those rebels… I knew he could do it. I knew it in my heart. 

Unless…  _ unless.  _

I hate the thought as soon as it pops in my mind. It’s the only realistic safety net I have. 

He could never kill me if we were mated. It would kill him too. But it also gives me an edge - if I were to do the unthinkable, ending myself, it would take him too. 

A strange calm comes over me as the pieces fall into place. Maybe  _ this  _ is my escape. Maybe I can bring down Snoke by taking one of his most trusted alphas. That is powerful, and terrifying, for an omega to think about. I saunter to the window, staring out at the snowy yard and thick trees beyond, chewing my lip as my thoughts swirl dangerously. 

Could I take my own life? 

Could I take Ben’s? 

I don’t know how long I stand there, weighing the options. Only when Artoo wheels in, whistling and chirping that I should eat some lunch, do I realize I’m dripping with sweat. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re almost halfway done! Hooray! Please feel free to ask me things on CC - https://curiouscat.qa/coffeeandcigsok - I love hearing from you guys & the support for this fic is blowing me away!

Kylo storms into my quarters, cape billowing and snowflakes clinging to his hair and uniform. I’m writhing in the bed as cramps roll through my abdomen, sweating and feverish. My glands ache desperately. He stops short of the bed, dark eyes wide and face pale as marble, taking in my distressed state.

It’s… painful. 

In my first heat, with Ben, I hadn’t been in full-blown heat when he found me. I hadn’t suffered through anything. This time, it’s as if all those heats I had missed over the years have come back for revenge. I feel mad with wanting and lust, desperate to be filled full of come and knot, shaking like a leaf and sweating through the sheets… and the  _ slick… _ well, this mattress will have to be burned. 

But I don’t care. I don’t care about anything. Not the evil man towering over me, rapidly pulling off his clothing, tripping out of his boots. 

“Ben…” I moan desperately, crawling towards him. My voice sounds deep and husky, unfamiliar. I reach for him, helping push his thick shirt down his muscular arms. “Kylo… Alpha…” 

“Rey,” he says softly. His gloves touch my face, cool against my feverish, damp flesh. He sounds wonder-filled. I lick his fingertips and even through the glove, he shudders. “Look at you, omega. You’re burning up.”

“Touch me,” I mindlessly beg. I grab his wrist and draw it to my chest, pressing it against my breast. They ache, from the flux of hormones, feeling heavy and fuller than before. The leather is supple as he thumbs my hard nipple, and I sigh at the tiny relief of being touched. It has only been a few hours but it feels like an eon. “I don’t care, I don’t care. I need you,” I babble mindlessly. 

Kylo seems to be on my wavelength. Soon he’s naked and pressing me into the mattress, big body covering me like a gigantic purring blanket. He mouths at my neck, attaching to my gland, and I go limp and soft under him. “That’s it, that’s my good girl,” he murmurs. He noses my throat and inhales. “You smell -  _ unbelievable -  _ so wet…”

“For your knot,” I gasp as his erection digs into my hip. “Put it in me - please, alpha.”

“Say it again,” he demands, pulling back to gaze at me. His iris is swallowed up by pupil, and he looks wild with messy curls and full pink lips. He is a strong alpha - deadly, he would kill anyone to protect me, he would I  _ know  _ it - and I gasp as another gush of slick drips out of me. 

“Alpha.”

Then closes his eyes, like he’s savoring it. And then he spreads me open, still wearing those dark leather gloves, and gazes down at my swollen cunt. He’s seen it just yesterday, but it seems he hasn’t had his fill. I arch and push my hips towards him, and he chuckles low and dark. 

“Poor little Rey… you’re aching for it, aren’t you?” He traces my lips and two fingers spread me open. I watch impatiently as he takes deep breaths, growling softly as his gloves slide through the abundance of my slick. He’s not touching where I need him the most - just caressing around my clit, circling my entrance, torturing me until I can barely see straight. “Little omega needs her alpha’s knot, doesn’t she?”

I nod mindlessly and try to squirm closer. He smells so good - all those alpha pheromones flooding the room, mixing with my own scent, driving me closer to madness. He’s enjoying this, enjoying having me helpless and desperate and dripping slick for him. Smooth leather slides inside of my aching channel, dragging a raspy moan from my throat. I rock my hips, fucking myself on his middle finger. He watches, dark hair hanging in his eyes, full lips parted. “That’s right, Rey. Take what you need.”

I brace my feet on the bed and rock against his finger. It’s not  _ nearly  _ enough but I need some friction, something to ease the cramps in my abdomen. “More,” I murmur, lifting my gaze to his face. “Need more, alpha.”

His chin jerks down in a slight nod, and a second gloved finger slips inside. It’s better, but still, not enough. He watches me writhe around and try to soothe the ache in my cunt for a few moments before he withdraws both fingers - I hiss at the loss - and pulls my hips to the edge of the bed. I want to sob - why can’t he just put his cock in me? Why does he need to torture me? 

A tiny, coherent part of my brain reminds me that this is Kylo Ren. Of course he wants to torture me. Draw it out as long as he can. Drive me mad with wanting. 

“If you come on my face, Rey… if you give me your slick, I will knot you.” His voice sounds too calm, controlled, but I nod and struggle as he begins to lap at my juices. I grab the back of his head, tangling my fingers in his silky hair, and rub myself against his mouth and nose. His lips attach to my clit and electricity pulses outwards, curling my toes. My thighs twitch and tremble around his ears as he brings me closer and closer. I want to weep as I finally peak, tipping over the edge, crying out as I clench around nothing and slick oozes out of me.

He moves me to my stomach, climbing onto the bed behind me. He whispers praise - what a good girl I am, how beautiful, how no one has ever smelled so perfect - as he touches me everywhere, not an inch of heated flesh neglected. He pushes in, so slow that I curse at him, which only makes him laugh. Kylo makes it very clear that we are on his terms, doing things  _ his  _ way. The omega overriding my normal brain preens at being submissive, at pleading him. 

“That’s it, sweetheart. Take it, take it all.” He holds my hips as he sinks in, making my eyes roll back in relief. He sighs as he’s fully sheathed, and grinds against my ass. It feels good to be full, it feels right. His cock stretches me open, and I wiggle my ass against him in hopes of inspiring some movement. He chuckles, mumbling, “All right, omega. Here you are.” 

The first few thrusts are ecstasy. I stay as still as I can, letting him use me as he wants. If I’m still and compliant enough, maybe he will fuck me into the mattress like I want. He’s still idly gentle as he fucks me, rocking against me and muttering so quietly I can’t understand what he’s saying. It feels great - I’m not far from orgasm - but I want more. I want rough hands pushing me down and I want him to bruise my hips from grasping so hard. I want him to punish me for liking this so much. 

It’s wet and sloppy, and I don’t take much longer to reach orgasm. My walls flutter around his cock and he whimpers, before licking my mating gland. I shudder with pleasure. “It’s time,” he says through gritted teeth as he picks up speed. I’m useless, waiting for his knot, and he gives it to me moments later, crying out my name and stilling, slumping over my back and panting in my ear.

It’s hazy but I’m not as lost to the heat when he rolls us onto our sides. I let him pet my hair and licking my glands, closing my eyes and enjoying the brief respite. I must doze off because the next thing I know, Kylo is rolling me on my back and entering me again. 

It goes on like this for a long time. It could have been hours, or days. My world narrows to just this: the feeling of his knot swelling inside of me, the intense madness before I climax. The sheets are ruined, my skin feels electric and sore and overly sensitive. Kylo is quiet, there’s no conversation - outside of him commenting on how well I take his knot and how good it feels. He takes care of my orgasms and fucks me like I might break - it isn’t until I wake from the longest stretch of nap that I feel as if something has shifted within me. 

The heat is there, simmering. But it doesn’t feel as urgent. My thoughts are still fractured and half-finished. My body aches for more. But I can breathe a bit easier… and it lets me observe him, for the first time, as a mate and alpha. Like some kind of specimen that I want to fuck. 

I take a moment to look at Kylo -  _ really  _ look at him - dozing on his stomach beside me. In the soft golden lamplight, face relaxed with sleep, he looks much younger. Much more innocent. Less like a mass mustering psychopath and more like the young man I fell in love with as a kid. The heat singes through me, hotter but slower like lava. It coils between my legs and more slick pools beneath me as my eyes trace over his muscled shoulders, his strong arms and the slope of his spine.

My omega brain has fully taken over. I lick my lips and scoot closer to him, running my fingertips over the pale marble of his skin. He smells so good - I bet his skin tastes good, too. I flick my tongue out and lap at the spot where his shoulder meets his neck and he startles, flinching awake and jerking back. 

“Rey?” he asks groggily, propping himself on an elbow. I can see his chest now and it’s even better than his back. Tiny scars are silver on his sternum and pectorals. I push to roll him on his back and continue my exploration. I can feel his hooded eyes watching me, cautious, like I’m some feral animal.

“You’re a strong alpha,” I say, drumming my fingertips on his abdomen. His muscles bunch up, tightening. “So strong. You can protect me.”

“Rey?” Kylo seems confused. 

“Make big, healthy pups.” I lean forward and taste his gland, and Kylo holds perfectly still, seemingly holding his breath, as I nip at him. He tastes like spice and sweat and I feel my heat stoking higher as I nibble. I could do this all day, especially when he begins making needy little whines. I climb on top of him, my cunt smearing slick over his stomach. His erection bumps against my bottom as I grind against him. 

“Rey, you’re…” He doesn’t finish the sentence because I bite him - hard, rolling his gland between my teeth - and his hips jerk up on instinct. 

“Big alpha, gonna knot me? Gonna fill me up with come until I can taste it?” He nods, eyes squeezed shut when I lean back to look at him. I need him, inside me, all over me. I ache so suddenly that it knocks the breath from my lungs. But I just want to touch him - it’s making me so excited, how  _ big  _ he is and how  _ powerful.  _ I slide back and line up our bodies, slotting him into my entrance and sinking down. Kylo makes a low, choking noise and his dark gaze is fixed to where we are joined. 

I moan as I’m seated. Even his dick is wonderful right now, and I regret not being able to taste him. The thought floats away as I begin to ride him, muscles in my thighs burning as I rise and fall, impaling myself on his generous length over and over again. I like it this way - I can touch him, tweaking his nipples and watching expressions that he tries to contain but fails. 

He looks overcome. Overwhelmed by my heat and slick and scent and body. But he doesn’t touch me, just balls his fists beside my knees and let’s me take control. It must be killing him to let a little omega take over, but he allows it, watching my breasts bounce as I pick up speed, panting softly as I moan louder.

“Feels good,” I tell him. “Like your fat knot inside me. Gonna come, Ben. Gonna - gonna -“ I whine and work my hips, slamming down until my legs are shaking too hard and I collapse on his chest. 

Kylo rolls us again, pushing down my chest and pulling my hips back. He enters me wordlessly, pumping hard - almost as hard as I want - and brushes my sweaty hair off my neck. “Rey,” he murmurs, tracing the darker swatch of skin between my shoulders, the base of my neck. I shiver, nipples tightening up. “You’re mine.”

He licks first, and then I feel his teeth sinking against me. It should hurt, but it doesn’t - even though there will be blood, it doesn’t hurt as he pierces my skin. He holds me down, growling against my skin, as the control he’s so carefully shown is shredded. I gasp and cry out as he slams into me, and if not for his weight blanketing my back and teeth pinning me to the mattress, I sense I would be pushed higher up the bed. This is what I wanted from the start - wild and unrestrained. My body sings as the biggest orgasm yet rips through me like wild fire, burning through all of my senses as I clench down and tears leak down my cheeks.

“Fuck, that’s it,” Kylo groans as he releases me. “Come, omega. Take my knot, like a good girl.  _ My  _ good girl.” 

It’s not just my pleasure that pushes me over the edge again - it’s  _ his.  _ I can feel it, I can feel it so intensely in my stomach and toes and chest as he pounds into my slick channel. It’s… possessive, dark, wild. My eyes roll and my toes curl as I’m pulled by his pleasure, his pure  _ joy _ at having mated me. 

His fingers bite into my hip bones as his knot inflates, spilling his seed and locking us together. His mouth returns to the bite on my neck and I relax under the heavy heat of his body. 

It’s done - we’re mated. For better or worse, bound together until death do us part. 


	8. Chapter 8

The bond between us is filled with nothing but pleasure as my heat dwindles. Kylo seems to know what I need before my body does, and I’m blissed out and boneless as it ends. I sleep for almost eighteen hours after our final coupling, too lazy to hold myself up, just laying on my belly with one leg cocked up as he fucked me, slow but  _ rough _ , until I was full and  _ finally  _ satisfied. 

I wake sometime the following day. Waning sunlight and the sinking sun show me that it’s evening, and I roll out of bed feeling bruised, sore, and swollen. My quarters are dark and quiet as I tiptoe to the bathroom and draw a bath. I don’t trust my shaking legs to hold me for a shower.

I soak for a while, wondering at this new change in our relationship. It feels like so much is different, after my heat. I can sense him in my head, his emotions - right now, all I’m getting is annoyance, boredom - longing to be elsewhere. It’s there, but distant. Maybe our proximity has something to do with that? Maybe if it’s stronger emotions - like anger or fear or sadness or  _ love _ \- they can be felt easier? I don’t know, I will have to experiment. 

It makes me wonder how strongly he can sense me, too. I’ll have to be careful planning my escape, or my death - whichever I decide on. Now that the heat isn’t fogging my brain, it’s easy to hate him again. Fear him, too. I’m bonded to one of the most dangerous men in the world - how will I feel when he kills more innocent people? Will I feel that bloodlust? Will I feel  _ anything _ ? Does he?

I lose track of time as the steamy water soothes my aching muscles. It isn’t until my stomach growls that I climb out, reluctant but clean, and find a new dress to wear before wandering downstairs.

I hear voices from another room and my heart rate picks up. I tiptoe down the shiny hardwood floor to the library - a room I never got to explore. The doors are shut, but I can hear the muffled voices of men within. Carefully, I press my ear against the thick wood - it doesn’t help much. Who are they? More of President Snoke’s minions? I press the side of my head against the door, struggling to hear over my racing heartbeat.

I’m caught by surprise when the door rolls open, sliding into the wall. I stumble and trip backwards, my butt cushioning the fall, and find Kylo - mask and all - towering over me.

“Omega.” He’s annoyed. Even though the robotic voice of his helmet. I can feel it more than hear it. 

“S-sorry.” I let him help me to my feet - a spark of pleasure at touching me, seeing me in a dress he had selected for me, seeing me at all - and nervously smooth the front of my mint-green dress. “I heard you talking. I was… curious.”

“Is that her?” 

Kylo does his best to fill the entire doorway with his big body. I do my best to peek around him. He prickles with irritation before taking my wrist and turning. He doesn’t give me a chance to move my feet, and I trip as he pushes me into the room. A fire crackles, the room smells like leather and paper. A red headed man with a pinched expression on his face regards me coolly. His clothing matches Kylo’s - another enforcer? In one of the high-backed, red velvet chairs is the man I recognize from television, and it catches me so off guard that I gasp, one hand clamping over my mouth. 

“Don’t you know who this is?  _ Kneel. _ ” The red headed man sneers at me. Kylo’s hand on the back of my neck - cool leather of his glove making me blush as I remember it gliding over my cunt - applies pressure, forcing me to my knees. I stare at the floor, embarrassed and nervous. 

“Hux, give the poor thing a break. She’s practically trembling.” President Snoke chuckles and rises to cross the room. I feel swirling anger and displeasure - combined with my own anxiety - as he lifts my chin to look at me. For some reason, I stupidly begin to cry as the leader of our country studies me. Kylo’s hand tightens on my neck, and the old man smiles, showing perfect white teeth. “I expected a great beauty, Kylo. The way you  _ hunted  _ her down… but she’s nothing special. Just a plain little omega.” 

His words sting and my lip quivers as I try to hold back my tears. Kylo says nothing, doesn’t try to argue, and it hurts. Why does it  _ hurt _ ? Why do I care what this monster thinks of me? I sniffle and Snoke eases back into his chair. “Why don’t you go tuck her in, Kylo? She looks positively exhausted. It’s hard for them, after heats, and the mating.” 

I let Kylo pull me up and scoop me into his arms. He says nothing as I cry into his chest, but his grip tightens on me. Once we reach my quarters, he gently sets me on my feet. I swipe bitterly at my tears and turn my face, humiliated with how I’m acting. 

“I regret that you had to meet him like that,” Kylo says. I feel like it is the closest thing I’ll ever get to an apology. “Just… go to bed. I’ll be up shortly.” I sense affection, as he cups my cheek, though I can only see myself reflected on his visor.

“You hunted me?” My voice sounds so small, and it seems such a small detail to be stuck on. But I can’t let it go.

His nod is almost imperceptible. “As soon as I knew about the mandate. I contacted my mother, told her my intentions. And she hid you away.”

“She was protecting me,” I murmur.

“Doesn’t matter now, does it? Your  _ mine. _ ” A pulse of greed and secondhand lust shoots through me. It leaves me breathless. “I’ll be up shortly. I’ll bring food.” 

With a whoosh of his cape he leaves me, door thudding shut behind him. 

  
  
  


——

  
  
  


_ Leia and Rey rarely get to spend time alone. She’s such an important woman, fighting for omega rights, running charities, running the household. It’s a treat when the two of them have a stolen afternoon - walking downtown Chandrila, stopping in shops to look at books and clothes and trinkets. Rey is nearly sixteen and she can feel the difference from when she was a child. Alphas turn their heads to chase her scent, glimpse her coltish legs, smile at her. Leia tells her that it’s disrespectful, and it does make Rey uncomfortable… but her omega preens at the attention.  _

_ But she belongs with Ben. None of the other alphas that she’s ever seen have made her feel like he does - cherished, special, lovely. He can be overbearing, of course - insisting she eat all of her vegetables and bundle up against the cold, sleep more when she wants to stay up reading. Her parents never cared like this, and she feels safe with him. She feels loved.  _

_ For the first time in her life, actually. It’s exciting and terrifying. _

_ Leia takes her for an ice cream sundae in a restaurant with red vinyl stools and a colorful jukebox tucked into the corner. It’s cute and retro and the sugary treat makes her smile. Leia has that look in her eye - like she wants to talk about something but is waiting to bring it up. After a while, Rey can’t stand it anymore. _

_ “What is it?”  _

_ Leia feigns innocence. “What?” _

_ Rey rolls her eyes and grins. “I know you have something on your mind.”  _

_ Leia softens. “I just want to make sure you’re ok, sweetheart. That… that things with Ben aren’t moving too fast.” _

_ “What do you mean?” Panic bubbles in her stomach, and her armpits grow hot. Had she seen them kissing in the courtyard? How she had pressed her body tightly against Ben, trying to get as close as she can be? She would crawl inside him if she could.  _

_ “Ben is intense, Rey. He feels things so deeply, and I worry that he’s… pressuring you into things you aren’t ready for.” Leia looks worried, frowning seriously. “He’s so much older, and he really… he’s quite traditional, old-fashioned. I don’t want you to get stuck with someone that… that might not let you have the life you want.” _

_ Rey blushes and swirls her spoon in her rapidly melting ice cream. All she knows is that she wants him, that she loves  _ **_him_ ** _. She doesn’t know how to tell Leia any of that, so she promises Leia that things are good and they’re going slow.  _

_ Ben would never stop her from achieving her dreams. Ben wants the world for her, whatever she wants. He’s promised to give it to her.  _


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo’s like, gimme dem pups

I’m waiting for things to settle down before I begin planning mine and Kylo’s demise - but it’s hard. I feel like I’m constantly about to step off the edge of a cliff. Kylo’s emotions are complex and turbulent, swinging like a pendulum between polar opposites. Suffocating lust that makes my skin feel hot and prickly, icy apathy that encourages me to curl up in bed and never move again. More often is a fiery anger that burns through my veins, so strong that I feel I could rip my hair out. It’s madness, it’s unmanageable, and it terrifies me. I can’t predict any of it, I can’t wrap my head around it. More than once, Artoo coaxes me out of a closet where I lock myself in, hoping to shut out Kylo and the world. 

It doesn’t work. His feelings and moods follow me like a dark cloud. It’s hard to believe that I thought he felt  _ nothing  _ when the complexities and layers are making it so hard for me to function. I don’t even know what feelings are  _ mine  _ anymore.

And, to make matters worse, I have absolutely no one to talk to about it.

I’m alone most of the time. Even Artoo disappears for long hours of time, and no matter where I look, I can’t find him. I sit in a window seat in the library, watching the driveway for Kylo to return home. I never stay to greet him, instead taking his vehicle rolling up the drive as my cue to hide away in my room. Sometimes I read, but it’s hard to concentrate. I don’t turn on the television again, too afraid to see my husband and mate executing dissenters. I know that it’s weak of me - that I’m burying my head in the sand - but I can’t handle seeing it right in front of me. 

One afternoon, a few weeks after the mating, I’m dozing in the window seat with a fine copy of  _ A Tree Grows in Brooklyn  _ open in my lap. I miss Kylo pulling in the driveway, and only stir when he touches my shoulder carefully. It’s the first time I’ve been face to face with him in a while, and I inhale shakily as he peers at me, worried.

Concern rolls off of him like a wave, washing over me. “I’m fine.” I answer the question he wants to ask. I start to unfold my legs and stand. 

“We should… talk about it.” He sounds as thrilled about the idea as I feel. “The adjustment period after the mating can be taxing, especially for the omega. I want to make sure you’re…” his amber eyes flutter over my face. I stare back at him blankly. “How are you? Adjusting, that is?”

I shrug and dog-ear the page I’m on, just to feel that flair of annoyance. “Fine, thank you. I am  _ very  _ tired, so I should…”

“Tired? Are you more tired than normal? Do you have any other symptoms?” Kylo follows me out of the fancy library and up the stairs. Hope, dim but  _ there _ , spreads through my chest. 

“Symptoms?” I pause and turn to him, frowning.

“You know… nausea, fatigue, back pain, swollen breasts,” he says, as though he’s memorized them out of a textbook. He probably  _ had.  _ Leia made sure that all of us omegas knew the signs of pregnancy, as well as oncoming heat and menstruation. I fold my arms over my chest, irritation that is purely my own making my face flush. 

“I started bleeding yesterday. I’m not pregnant,” I snap. Kylo looks disappointed, and I hate that kicked puppy-dog look on his face. Rolling my eyes, I spin and stomp my way up the stairs and down the hallway to my quarters. I open the door and try to slam it before he can follow, but his big hand catches it and he follows me in.

“We’ll try again once you’ve finished,” he says. He holds his hands behind his back and paces around my room. It’s neat, more due to Artoo than me. 

“What if I don’t want to get pregnant?” I ask. 

“The mandate says we must become pregnant as soon as possible after mating. That’s the whole point, Rey,” he says, as if I’m a child and need reminding. I know what the point is - more omegas for alphas to claim, to mate and breed, to keep them in power. I scoff and start unfastening my dress, preparing for bed. If I’m asleep, he’ll leave me alone.

“Well, maybe I’m defective. I had my implant for years - maybe I’m not fertile.” I shrug the sleeves down my arms so that my back is bared to him. I can practically taste the desire coming from him, so strong that I clench down on nothing as my clit throbs. I peek over my shoulder to find him standing  _ so _ still, just watching, and I let the fabric flutter down my legs so that it pool around my feet on the floor.

“You don’t - don’t mean that,” Kylo says. “Infertile omegas don’t have heats. Or periods. And you don’t want to know what happens to omegas once they have no use.” I hear his boots crossing the hardwood and turn to face him. My nipples are hard, greedy peaks aching to be touched. But it’s not  _ me  _ that is feeling it - it’s not, it’s all Kylo. His lust is muddying my thoughts again. 

“What happens to them, Kylo?” I turn and blink up at him. I can feel how badly he wants to touch me. His eyes blaze a trail over my chest, down my stomach, between my thighs. His chest expands as he inhales deeply. 

“They get sent to work camps. It’s… not good,” he admits quietly. 

“Is that what happens to me? Once I’m no longer of use to you?” 

So fast, his mood dips into something cold and frightened that I’ve never felt from him before. He grasps my forearms in his big hands and shakes me once. It makes me head jerk back painfully. “That will never happen to you, Rey. I’m… I am too important to Snoke for him to force me to give you up. I would - it will never happen.” 

“Even if I never give you pups?” I prod.

He gulps. Some of the fire cools in his eyes. “You will. Next time.” His eyes drop to my breasts again and I huff in annoyance. Another mood swing and he’s grinning at me, cocky. “Someday you’ll be begging for me again, omega. Just like you did in your heat.”

“That was  _ hormones _ ,” I hiss, marching to the set of drawers to find a nightgown. I pull it over my head and he chuckles. “Plus, I won’t have another heat until the spring. So you’ll have to wait a while. I recommend that you  _ do _ hold your breath.” I toss him a sweet smile before moving to pull the blankets down my bed. Kylo hovers in the doorway, looking torn. I can feel how much he wants me - I can see it in his eyes, too, and the obvious bulge of his pants - but I can also feel how much he needs me to be the one to initiate. He doesn’t want to hurt me, not like that. It’s a small comfort. 

“Things will be much easier for you here if you just… accept things, Rey.” He sounds defeated. I won’t let it make me soft. He’s probably just tired from killing people all day. 

“I thought you knew me better than that.” I let him feel that longing that twists inside of me for someone else - for who he used to be. 

“I’m - I’m not  _ him  _ anymore, Rey… I can’t be him.” 

Tears prick my eyes and I sigh. “I know that. I do.  _ Ben  _ would never do this to me - he would never lock me up like this. He would never be part of something that put me in this situation.” I massage my temples, feeling the oncoming headache from dealing with both of our emotions when they’re so intense. 

Kylo stalks towards me. “He did. It was your precious  _ Ben  _ that decided to join Snoke. He was weak, a lovesick  _ fool.  _ He wanted you all to himself, just as I do. Only Snoke made me strong enough to take what I want, instead of playing useless courting games and waiting for you to realize what you wanted. Can’t you see, Rey?” His voice breaks and for the first time ever, I see a shimmer of tears in his eyes. It makes my chest hurt, it makes it hard to breathe. “You’re always safe now. I’ll never let anything happen to you, or our pups.”

“I am alone here, Kylo! I have no one - not even you! I have no life, nothing!” The tears come faster now, streaming down my cheeks. I can barely feel him now, my own emotions overpowering him for once. “You’ve taken everyone from me! Everything! I am alone here, your prisoner. I’m  _ alone. _ ” I curl forward, burying my face in the pillows, sobbing so hard it hurts. I can barely breathe.

I feel him wrap around me. I want to thrash, hit him, make him feel as badly as I do. But I can’t - it hurts bigger than my anger. And as much as I hate it, he feels good and solid and the soft purring against my neck is soothing. He doesn’t speak, just holds me, until I fall asleep, my face wet and shiny with tears. 

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW - more suicidal thoughts/ideation/planning.
> 
> Also, pregnancy. 😇

Nothing changes.

The weeks stretch on, long and lonely. The biggest difference is the careful choreography between us. I avoid him, and he respects that - for the most part. I hide in my room at night, wondering about my friends, my family, feeling sorry for myself and the other omegas out there suffering. Kylo stays out of my way, and Artoo tries to mend whatever is broken between us with little effect. 

Winter bleeds into March, and the sun stays up longer, the snow begins to melt, and one morning I wake up determined that something must change. 

It’s time to make a plan. 

How can I do it? 

I’m a coward, so my first thought is pills. Like what they gave me before the wedding - that would be at least a _pleasant_ way to die. But how do I get my hands on enough to finish the job? I’m given an omega’s multivitamin with breakfast, but I don’t think that is enough. I spend an afternoon going through the kitchen cabinets, every bathroom medicine cabinet, even the desk in Kylo’s lavish library - but find nothing. They must be in Kylo’s quarters, which I’ve never been in before. I try the door in a fit of frustration, but find it locked. 

There’s a few more choices. Each of them are unpleasant, so I try not to linger on them - negative emotions seem _louder_ , and the barest hint of my distress brings him to me. Can’t have that. 

I think about climbing to the roof and throwing myself off. Is it high enough to kill me, or will I just be injured? Will it hurt very bad, or will I die on impact? I chew my lip and wonder if it feels like flying. 

There are knives of course. But blood has always made me squeamish, and I don’t know if I have the strength to drag a blade up the tender inside of my wrist. I study the blue roadmap of my veins under pale, freckled skin. My reaction to even imagining it is so strong that I hear a knock on my door, and Kylo calling through the wood to ask if I’m ok.

No knives, though they would be the easiest to procure.

I start watching the news. Seeing Kylo on the screen, with his crackling red saber, reminds me of how dangerous he is to the rest of the world. I might be safe… until I’m not. I have to stop him. I have to _try_ and stop Snoke. I think it would make Leia proud. 

  
  


*

  
  


I make my way downstairs and find Kylo at the kitchen island, dressed in dark trousers and a dark crimson button down. I arch an eyebrow but say nothing as I fix myself a glass of orange juice. Artoo rolls around, beeping and whistling cheerfully. 

“We’re having guests,” Kylo explains. He looks amused at the droid’s excitement. It must be his day off - he doesn’t get many - but he looks polished and _odd_ in regular clothes. It’s disarming. 

I wonder if it’s Snoke and he catches my distress. “Don’t worry. It’s not the president.” His smile is small but somewhat reassuring. I eat as quickly as I can, eggs burning down my throat, then head back to my quarters to change into a nicer dress and brush my hair. I even tie it back, like I used to, in a row of three buns at the back of my head. When I come down the stairs again, Kylo is opening the door and I see the red headed man from before - my stomach plummets and I take a step back.

But when Kylo turns, I find a small woman with long, shiny black hair and round cheeks hidden behind him. I gasp and my feet move without even realizing it. I wrap Rose up in my arms, holding her tight to my chest. This kind of happiness - I never thought I would feel it again. She’s warm and solid and gives a chuckle in my embrace. 

“That’s enough,” the other man says.

“Hux,” Kylo says, shooting him a warning look. 

I let her go, stepping back at arm’s length to look at her. It’s then that I notice the round bump - small, but definitely present - sticking out of her dress. My mouth opens, but words fail me. She squeezes my hand, shaking her head imperceptibly. 

Rose is pregnant. By this alpha, working closely alongside Kylo. Another enforcer? I push down my fear for her, trying to let the happiness fill me so that Kylo will let her stay as long as possible.

Kylo suggests we move into the parlour. It’s a stuffy, formal sitting room with paintings on the wall and expensive rugs and a piano no one ever touches. I usher Rose onto the sofa and sit beside her, holding both hands. She’s _alive_. 

“I have some imported cigars,” Kylo says, and reluctantly the alphas excuse themselves to another room. Smoke is bad for the baby. 

“How - I mean - are you all right?” I ask, my words running together as my thoughts race. 

“Rey, I never thought I would see you again,” Rose replies. Is she avoiding the question. “When I found out that you were married to Kylo Ren, I was _sick._ But then - then I found out it was _Ben_ . Are _you_ ok?”

I bite my lip. I don’t know how much time we have, and I need to tell her everything. But I want to know that she’s safe, at least. I cup my hand around her belly and she holds it there, smiling. 

“I didn’t know it was Ben until the wedding. He wore his mask until it was time to kiss.” I chuckle at her shocked expression. I _missed_ her so much. I’m so happy with Kylo, I feel tempted to kiss him. “It’s been… strange.”

“Very strange,” Rose agrees.

I swallow thickly. I have to ask - I have to know. “Did he… _force_ you?”

Rose lifts her gaze to the picture window. It’s raining, pelting against the glass. “No. The baby isn’t his,” she whispers.

A feather could knock me over. My eyebrows jump up my forehead. 

Her voice is careful, her words measured. “There’s a trooper. At our estate. I went into heat when Hux was at work. He helped me, but - just once, and then I took a shower and scrubbed every inch of him off me. I’d never gone into heat before,” Rose says, rolling her eyes. “Finn knew what was happening. He took the edge off, so to speak, and then Hux came home and we mated.”

“Does he _know_?” I whisper. This is like something out of a movie. I can’t believe it. I squeeze her hand and Rose shakes her head. 

“Finn is black, Rey. When the baby comes, they’ll have me killed. _Hux_ will kill me.” Her laugh is forced and hollow. I half expect Hux or Kylo to burst through the door at our morose mood. But they never do. I decide it’s time to tell Rose my plan.

“I’m going to kill him.” Her head snaps up, eyes wide and shocked. “I’m going to kill myself and take him with me.”

“Rey-“

“I _have_ to. It’s the only way,” I explain. I smile, willing my good mood to cover my shock and worry. I search through the bond and find only mild annoyance. I don’t think Kylo likes Rose’s alpha very much. At least we can agree on that. “He’s not Ben anymore. He’s a monster. Plus, it’ll be a blow to Snoke.”

Rose shakes her head. “There’s something else - another way. Leia.” Her hand clutches mine tight. “Omegas are escaping. They think it’s her, they can’t figure it out.”

It’s hard to breathe. Of course - of course, Leia wouldn’t give up without a fight. If I can get a message to her… if she could _help_ me…

“How do they survive, being without their mate?” I ask. Death, great distance, it can all have negative effects on both alpha and omega. It wouldn’t do to get out only to die from being away from Kylo. 

“There’s a treatment. Some kind of therapy. I’m not really sure. But if I get the chance - Finn told me to run.” Rose absently rubs her belly. I wonder if she has feelings for the father. It seems like she might. The whole situation is heartbreaking. “I don’t want this baby raised like this. Treated like a pet.” I can see the color rising to her cheeks, and glance nervously at the door. The alphas will be coming any time. 

“It’s so good to see you,” I whisper. She smiles. The doors open a moment later, and Kylo’s expression as Hux helps Rose to her feet is inscrutable. I kiss her cheeks before they depart, ignoring the look of disgust her husband shoots at me. Once they leave, and it’s just the two of us standing in the grand foyer, I feel somehow exhausted. 

“Thank you.” I can’t look him in the eye, hating myself for having to say it.

“You’re welcome.” I can feel his gaze on me as I start up the stairs. “You have an appointment tomorrow. Doctor. I’ll wake you early.” 

I nod over my shoulder and hurry to my quarters. I want to be alone to work out my thoughts and what this new information means for my plan. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmmmm TW - medically forced heat
> 
> **i feel the need to remind you all of the tags, that Ben is not a likable character in this world. There is a redemption arc which you may or may not enjoy/find satisfying.**

Kylo concedes defeat about keeping shoes from me, and there are a pair of plain brown flats waiting at the door. I smirk over my shoulder as I toe them on. Still, he insists on carrying me to the car, and I perch on his lap, swaying awkwardly, as the SUV cruises through town to my appointment. It feels nice to be out of the house, a good reminder that there is a world beyond the high stone walls. 

I try not to think about my plan too much. Not only does it keep Kylo from getting suspicious, it gives me time to take my new information into consideration. I don’t know what to do - wait and find a way to contact Leia to organize an escape? Or bring Snoke down and punish Kylo for his unforgivable actions? Taking away an alpha’s mate is dangerous - more than a few alphas have been driven to extremes over the course of history. Suicide, homicide… I shudder when I think about how much more destructive Kylo could become if I was taken from him. 

“Don’t worry,” Kylo murmurs, fingering the delicate chain around my neck. I pull away from his touch and he sighs. “It’s nothing painful. Just a check up.”

Does he remember how much I hated the doctor, before? I used to beg Leia to delay appointments - one of my first doctor visits I had to get a million vaccinations, and it was a nightmare. Needle pokes are the least of my worries now, but I don’t tell him that.

Let him think I’m upset about the appointment - anything to keep him from guessing the truth. 

The medical office is not the one I’ve gone to in the past. Part of the county health building, the cheap public health omega office with decades old magazines and old doctors that seemed bored, disinterested. Our health was a burden on the system, it seemed. 

It surprises me, then, when we pull to a stop in front of a posh, modern building, all cut glass and sandstone. Even with my shoes on, Kylo insists on carrying me through the sliding glass doors and into the waiting room. I wonder if all alphas are this way - or if Kylo is simply that overbearing.

He leaves me on a chair in the corner, warning me not to move, before checking in with the receptionist. I watch her reaction as Kylo gives his name, voice hushed, and feel his bemusement when she stutters, hand shaking as she hands him a clipboard to fill out. He returns to my side, hunching over in the chair made for normal sized people, paperwork dwarfed in his hands. I watch him fill it out - I had forgotten how neat his handwriting was. 

Ben practiced calligraphy. It was an odd hobby for an alpha, but beautiful. I didn’t have the patience for it. But I used to love watching him do it, asking him to write my name over and over.  _ Rey Solo. Rey Solo.  _ I hid the ones where he gave me his last name in my underwear drawer.

After the paperwork is finished, we are called back to an exam room. It’s plain white and sterile and Kylo paces the small space while I change into a scratchy paper gown before laying on the cold metal table. Kylo stands beside me, and I can feel how irritated and uncomfortable he is. 

“Can you  _ stop _ ?” I snap, glaring at him. He looks startled, and I roll my eyes. “I am nervous enough without your feelings, too.” 

He looks appropriately chastised, but keeps his mouth shut. A moment later a doctor knocks, then breezes in the room reading my chart. He’s handsome, a young alpha, with thick curly hair and a broad smile.

“Good morning, Mrs. Ren.”

“Rey,” I say quickly. Kylo rolls his eyes. 

“I’m Doctor Dameron, and I’ll be checking you out today. It’s just a routine check up, to make sure everything is working ok since coming off suppressants.” He pats my knee and I flinch, making Kylo ooze with a possessive anger. 

“He has to touch me. Relax,” I mutter, and my  _ husband  _ settles into annoyed acceptance. 

“How are you feeling, Rey?” Doctor Dameron asks one what must be a very practiced voice. He sounds so sincere. 

“Fine,” I respond. What else can I say with Kylo lurking above me? Dameron smiles, and asks a few more questions about my routine, my diet, any exercise I might do. Seeming satisfied, he instructs me to slide down and stick my feet into the stirrups as he tilts the top half of the table so I can recline. It’s awkward to do this with a stranger, let alone with Kylo present. But I obey, because there is no other choice.

As soon as my legs spread, I hear Kylo inhale deeply and sense - with a bit of horror - how turned on he is. Thick waves of desire roll off of him, and the roof of my mouth tingles at his alpha pheromones. My body reacts without my permission, slick gathering and dripping down my slit to the table. I cover my blushing face in embarrassment as the doctor chuckles nervously.

“Still in the honeymoon stage, huh?” He gives an awkward chuckle. “This might be easier if you step out, Ren.”

“And leave her alone with you?” Kylo scoffs. “I think not.”

“He’s a  _ Doctor, _ ” I hiss between my fingers. “Just - go before you embarrass me anymore.” 

Doctor Dameron scratches the back of his head as Kylo sighs heavily. “I will be on the other side of this door. You have  _ five  _ minutes.” I wait until the door clicks shut before I peek at my doctor shyly.

He sits on a stool between my legs. “Alphas are always like that. No matter how long they’ve been mated. You don’t need to be embarrassed.”

“Well, I still am,” I say. 

He snaps on a pair of gloves and the room is quiet as he finishes his exam. “Are you happy, Rey?”

The question catches me off guard. Can I be honest? Is this a trap? My silence must be all the answer he needs. “There are ways you can be freed,” he says quietly. “If it’s unbearable - if you need … reprieve.”

My heart stutters. Does he mean? Is he part of the resistance Rose told me about? 

“I know an omega,” I say softly. “That’s in danger. She’s pregnant.” 

“I could help,” Dameron says, not explaining further. “I know people.”

“Her name is Rose Tico. Her alpha is called Hux. She’s in a bad situation,” the words rush out of me. 

“And you? Are you in a bad situation, Rey?” He peers up at me from between my legs. 

I chew my lip. I still haven’t decided. Kill myself and take Kylo with me? Or escape, fight the mating bond, and make a new life away from here? I shake my head, I don’t know - I can’t  _ decide  _ \- but before I can answer, Kylo storms in, looking and feeling on the edge.

“You’ve had enough time,” Kylo says in a deceptively calm tone. His eyes gleam dangerously. I can feel how much he wants to snap my doctor’s neck. Dameron lowers the gown to cover my privates and nods.

“She’s very healthy. Her next heat should produce a viable pregnancy.” He pulls off his gloves and tosses them.

“Did you give her the shot?” Kylo demands, fists curling at his sides. 

“Ren - I really can’t  _ medically  _ recommend it.”

“Do it,” Kylo spits. I feel something - something desperate and dark radiating off him. It’s frighteningly intense. “President Snoke authorizes fertility aids and you are obligated to follow  _ my  _ orders for her health. Give her the shot.”

Doctor Dameron sighs and nods. He pulls a pre-loaded syringe out of his white coat pocket. He won’t meet my eyes as he lifts the edge of my gown to expose the meaty part of my thigh. I try to scurry away but Kylo holds me down, pinning me quickly so that I can’t move an inch.

“You - you said it was a check up!” I cry out as the needle bites into my skin. Dameron pushes the plunger down and something hot prickles through my muscle. 

“Enough, omega,” Kylo commands. 

Tears gather at the corner of my eyes as I glare at him.  _ I hate you. I hate you _ , I think, fury burning through me.

His eyes soften only a fraction. He knows. 

*

I don’t let him carry me. I don’t look at him in the car. When we get home, I head straight to my room and notch a chair under my door to keep him out. I take a hot bath - the spot where I got my jab aches, a knot developing under my skin, bruising dark blue. I crawl into bed with wet hair and hide under the blankets as I mourn another thing that’s been forced on me in this new alpha’s world. 

I wake, hours later, to the sound of Kylo breaking through my door and chair. Splintering wood cracks and scatters over the hardwood, and his heavy footsteps across my sitting room echo. It’s so  _ hot _ , and I’m confused, until I see him standing at the edge of my bed. He looks  _ wild _ , possessed, and slick smears down my thighs as he prowls closer to me. 

I push sweaty hair off my face and lick my lips as he tears his sleep shirt over his head. Our desire is thick in the air, like a fog, and I’m confused and horny. It’s like I’m in  _ heat  _ again, which is impossible…

Kylo climbs on top of me and smirks. “Need something, little omega?”

I nod, wide-eyed, as he growls softly. I’m already naked, which is wonderful, and he licks the side of my neck as he eases my back down to meet the mattress. His dark eyes take in my face, lingering on my lips. “I told you that you would need me again.” 

I hate that he’s right but I’m nodding. Staring at  _ his  _ lips. They’re so full and soft looking. I move before my brain catches up to my body, and kiss him, barely brushing our lips together. It’s all the permission Kylo needs, and he roughly slams his lips against mine, devouring my mouth. His tongue licks my teeth and slides against my own, as his erection grinds against my stomach. It’s happening so fast - one minute I’m groggy, the next I’m panting into his mouth and rubbing against him shamelessly. There’s no room for thought or examination, no room to wonder what’s happening to me.

There’s only Kylo, his thick, hot body, and how high he can take me. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW - Rey is underage during the flashback in the beginning. 
> 
> The fic is nearly all posted. Only a few more chapters.

_ It’s too late by the time Leia tries to intervene. She throws open the door to find Rey writhing beneath Ben, moaning and squirming as he helps her through the heat. She finds him, face buried in her neck, rolling her gland between his teeth and Rey gasping, clawing at him for more.  _

_ “Ben! Get off her!” Righteous anger makes her face flush red. Her lip curls in disgust at the sight of her son taking this young omega - but she can smell the heat in the air, Rey’s omega pheromones heavy and thick. How can she blame him for this? Doing what comes naturally to any alpha, especially a young one who is in love. _

_ Leia storms into Rey’s bedroom and tries to pull him off - but he’s buried deep inside of her tight, welcoming cunt. Nothing could tear him away from her - nothing, not a fire or a natural disaster or armed robber. Ben growls at his mother and pushes her off. Rey whines and claws at the sheets, sweaty and flushed.  _

_ “She is mine,” Ben groans as his hips slam into the cradle of her pelvis. The wet sounds seem loud and obscene, but Rey is too far gone to be embarrassed. She’s only vaguely aware that the woman she considers a mother is in the room while they’re fucking. “Stay out of it.” _

_ “She’s a child!” Leia sounds frantic.  _

_ Rey shudders as pleasure skitters down her spine, pooling in her pelvis. She feels heavy with it, slow and lazy but also desperate. She whimpers as his hips falter and lose their pace.  _

_ He climbs off her and towers over his mother - shamelessly nude, cock swollen and dripping with Rey’s arousal. Leia gulps - actually looks frightened - as Ben stalks towards her. She backs up, until she’s in the hallway. Ben gives her a warning growl.  _

_ “I will kill you if you try to stop me,” he threatens. “She belongs to me.” Leia looks scared and shocked, and he slams the door in her face before returning to his messy, needy omega.  _

_ Rey would care - would be upset when she learns what happens after the heat abates, back when she’s sane. But in the moment, all that exists are the two of them. Ben, her caring and gentle alpha, and Rey, who needs him so desperately she can barely breathe.  _

  
  
  


——

  
  
  


His kisses bruise my lips as his fingertips bite into my thighs, spreading them as far open as they can go. Kylo wastes no time, sinking into me with a growl against my mouth. I swallow it as our tongues slide together. It doesn’t feel like relief, being filled. It’s a different kind of heat and it burns up all my thoughts. 

My only concern is being filled. By his cock and his knot and his come. It feels like madness, it feels like ecstasy, and I beg him, over and over, to do it.

“Hush, omega. I will give you what you need,” Kylo assures me as he slides down my body. One of my aching nipples is flicked with his tongue, and I shudder as pleasure wracks my body. I can’t stop touching him, my fingers in his hair and nails scraping down his neck as he suckles at my breasts. It’s  _ torture  _ \- it feels so good but it hurts, too. Like my nerves are bare and raw and I can barely stand it. 

He tries to eat me out but I can’t take it. My body will explode with wanting, and he chuckles darkly when I yank his hair to pull him back up. 

“Fine, have it your way,” Kylo says as he lines up our bodies. I’m swollen and drenched and he slides home easily, making my body bow with relief that is too short-lived. It's not enough to just be filled, I need more. My legs wrap around his hips and I dig my heels into his firm ass to coax him on.

“I’ll be good,” I promise, “I’ll be so good, I’ll just take it, I’ll take it all, just fill me up, please Ben fill me up!” I’ll be embarrassed when this is over, but in the moment I don’t care. Ben drops kisses all over my face as he begins to move, a slow slide that is punctured by groans and the grind of his hips against mine. 

“I like doing it this way,” Kylo tells me as he teases me with slow thrusts. I’m sweating and limp beneath him. “I like to see your face as I take you.”

I make some unintelligent noise that makes him smirk. 

“I like seeing all the pleasure I give you - you’re so expressive, Rey. I can read you like a book.” A hard thrust makes my eyes roll and my mouth hang open. More like that - it’s what I need.

“You’re still so tight - you waited for me,” he says breathlessly. “You knew who your alpha was from the beginning. You knew you needed me.”

I want to protest but I can barely think, let alone make words. He starts fucking me in earnest, hips snapping against me and bottoming out each time. I’m so close - I just need -

He ducks down and licks my throat. “You’ve always been mine, Rey. You’ve always belonged to me.” And then he bites, and it sends me careening over the edge into unknown pleasure, ecstasy so high and bright that I struggle to breathe. How have I ever done anything but this? Why am I fighting my very nature? Nothing is better than being fucked by him, mated to him, filled with him. His knot swells and he groans his pleasure, my name over and over like a prayer or an oath. I shiver violently as his knot tugs inside me. 

Unlike my other heats, there’s no satisfaction or relief in being knotted. Kylo has to hold me down as his seed pumps out, hushing me and stroking my hair while I pant and ask for more. I can’t feel any of his emotions when I’m like this. It’s like being high, there’s no room for anything else. But I only have to look at his face to see how much Kylo is enjoying it.

We fuck on and on. It feels like it stretches on forever, but I have no sense of time. The curtains are drawn so I have no idea if it’s day or night. I don’t feel hunger or thirst or exhaustion, just an intense need for  _ him.  _

By the end, I keep falling asleep, but he fucks me through it. There’s slick and seed and sweat staining the sheets and filling the air. I wake up to him making me climax, and doze as his knot locks us together. It burns through all of me, all of my energy, until I finally succumb to my exhaustion. 

When I wake, Kylo is curled around me. There’s no indication of how long it’s been, but he nuzzles my mating gland and kisses the sore spot tenderly. “Let’s hope it takes,” he mumbles, before my eyes fall shut again. 


	13. Chapter 13

In the weeks that follow, my period never comes. 

I can’t even look at him without wanting to claw his eyes out. Without wanting to punch him or stab him or -

I let him feel my hatred through the bond. My disgust. What he’s done to me - what he’s done because of some ignorant belief that this is helping our country. That’s how he explains it, that’s how he reasons it - that the mating mandate is meant to make our country strong. That I should be proud for fulfilling my duty. That I’m some kind of sacred vessel for the next generation. My constant nausea has little to do with the tiny clump of cells gestating in my womb - more to do with my new reality.

I find that I can’t kill myself  _ and  _ a baby. 

I sink into depression. I don’t get out of bed, no matter how hard Artoo tries to tempt me. Alpha commands are useless - I just clench my teeth and ignore them. I eat, only because I have to, and Kylo seems satisfied with that. He leaves me alone for the most part, though I’ve woken more than once to find him sitting in a chair, watching me like a silent sentinel. 

Kylo has won.  _ Again.  _

He gets everything while I am still left with nothing. A pup I don’t want, no friends or hope for a life beyond these walls. I wanted a family, I always did, but this feels wrong. It’s not how I imagined it. It’s not what I wanted.

I wanted Leia to hold my hand through the labor. I wanted Han in the waiting room, passing out cigars. Ben holding the small bundle of our child and telling me how beautiful it was. I wanted a home filled with love and laughter and security, where there was always enough food and endless comfort. I wanted to be everything my parents weren’t. I wanted to give my pup everything that Leia and Han had given me. 

But as time marches on, I realize that I’ve doomed this child to a cruel world. A mass murdering father and a weak omega mother. I feel more suicidal now than ever before, but I can’t bring myself to hurt the child. I can’t do it. I settle into my depression and it enfolds me, surrounding me, turning everything gray.

The weeks stretch into months and summer is in full bloom. I stare out the window as the garden blossoms and flowers. I watch wispy clouds chase across the true blue sky and I long for freedom. Time passes while I stand still, sleeping and growing thin - except for the rounding of my stomach which presses tight against my dresses by the time fall comes. 

“Let’s go for a walk,” Kylo says one afternoon. 

“No,” I reply hoarsely. I haven’t spoke in so long that the muscles are dry and weak. 

“You can’t keep doing this, Rey. The baby will be here soon, and you need to be strong.” He kneels in front of me, where I’m sitting on the bed, staring out my window. He takes my hands in his and I finally turn my gaze on him. 

Amber eyes search my face. Worry creases his brow. Dark circles that match my own under his eyes. He looks thinner, and he needs to shave. I’ve never seen him so unkempt.  _ Good.  _ I hope he’s at least half as miserable as he’s made me. 

“Our baby needs you. She’ll be helpless,” Kylo pleads. “She’ll have no one but us, Rey. You have to snap out of this - I thought…”

“You thought  _ what _ ?”

He shakes his head. “I thought this would change things. That - that your nature would make you happy about being pregnant. That your instincts would take over - that’s what is  _ supposed  _ to happen. It’s what you were born for. Snoke said - he  _ promised  _ \- that this was what nature intended…”

Anger blooms hot in my chest. “I’m not a robot, Ben. I’m a person. An  _ individual. _ You can’t predict how an entire designation will act…” I find my feet. My neck hurts and my belly is growing bigger. I feel her kick sometimes, rolling around inside of me, stretching. “You really thought that  _ forcing  _ this on me was going to fix everything?”

Kylo takes a shaky breath. The tips of his big ears poke through his lank hair. “Snoke  _ said _ -“

“Snoke knows nothing. He’s pushing his agenda.” 

“He cares about me,” Kylo protests.

“He’s feeding you lies to keep you loyal. To make sure you do his dirty work.” I start to pace - my swollen feet ache - and now that I’ve started, I can’t stop. “You’re a monster. How did you think I was going to react to all of this? Captured and forced to mate with you, after all that you’ve done? Did you think I would be  _ happy _ , Kylo? Did you think I would be relieved to have all of my options, my life taken from me?”

“I’ve given you a new life! A better life!” Kylo rises, gesturing to my room. “All of this is for you, Rey! The house - my job - becoming part of Snoke’s circle, getting him to trust me. It was all for you!” He punches the wall and I recoil, scared at his intensity and anger. “I killed for you. I saw how things were changing and I got involved for you. Rey - you are… you’ve always been  _ everything  _ to me.” Tears stream down his cheekbones, and his shoulder slump. “I love you, Rey.” 

“I never asked for this! I  _ never  _ wanted this!” I can’t hold back anymore. I throw myself at him, fists beating against his chest. He takes it, he bears it, letting me hit and scream and cry until I collapse in his arms. My face is wet, my eyes swollen from crying so hard. I want to rip his head off and stomp on his handsome face. 

“I wanted  _ Ben _ . I wanted your parents and my friends. I wanted a job and I wanted to see the world,” I whisper, both of us breathing hard. Our emotions match for once outside of lust and desire - a deep well of sadness, overflowing with our combined tears. “How could you think that I would be happy here?” My breath hitches and he holds me tighter.

“Snoke was an inevitability. At university, I saw how people gravitated towards him. Alphas, omegas, even betas were buying his rhetoric. I thought if I was important to him, I could make sure you were safe. Taken care of…” Kylo kisses the top of my head and I can’t stand his kindness, how gentle he is. 

His hand drops to my stomach, long fingers curving around the swell. The growing baby kicks at his palm, and he grows still as a statue. I realize he’s never felt this before. She stretches, feet digging into my belly as her head assaults my ribs. 

“Do you want this for her?” I can’t look at his face, so I press my hand on top of his. “Do you want some alpha to claim her and take her once she becomes fertile?” 

“ _ No.”  _

Kylo drops his hand and stands. He’s breathing hard. He looks at me one last time, but I can’t read his expression aside from the fact that he’s upset. I search through the bond, brow furrowing in confusion. Without a word, he leaves me, just the echo of his boots down the hall. 


	14. Chapter 14

I wake the following morning with puffy eyes and a sore throat. Kylo is throwing open the curtains, letting the weak morning light flood the room. I blink at him groggily as he turns to face me, already dressed in his usual black uniform and heavy boots. He looks no worse for our conversation yesterday - if anything, there seems to be a determined set to his jaw that makes me uneasy.

“Doctor’s appointment,” he says as I frown, puzzled. I don't remember there being an appointment - he tends to tell me a few days in advance, knowing the Herculean effort it takes to get me out of my bed lately. Strong hands come to help me out of bed, push me into the bath. I’m past modesty, stripping out of my nightgown and leaving it in a heap on the tiles. Kylo watches from the doorway. I can almost feel his gaze traveling over the small slope of my belly. 

I wash my hair and then lather my body, listening to the water splash and Kylo’s breathing. He’s staring so hard, but I can’t  _ feel  _ anything through the bond. It’s… odd. I let my washcloth drop with a wet  _ plop _ into the water, turning to glare at him.

“What’s wrong with you?” I ask. The words burn like venom as I spit them at him.

Kylo doesn’t speak for a long moment. Just gazes at me, dark eyes lingering over my swollen breasts and darkened nipples, my bare shoulders, all the skin that isn’t obscured by soapy water. I lift my brows at his silence, and Kylo shrugs one shoulder - a gesture that makes me stiffen, a gesture that is so familiar but so long forgotten, a remnant of the days  _ before,  _ from my youth, just a casual  _ Solo  _ kind of shrug that both Ben and his father would use. 

Then the silence erupts - the bond blazes, crackles with a fiery lust like I’ve never felt outside of my heat. His whole demeanor changes, shoulders squaring and eyes lasering in on me. I gasp and grasp the sides of the tub as heat slams into my pelvis, making my cunt clench greedily around nothing. 

“You have  _ no idea  _ how you look to me,” Kylo says, taking a step into the humid room. I watch as he tugs one glove off, finger by finger, setting them on the counter nearly. “You have no idea the  _ effect  _ you have on me.  _ All the time. _ ” He sinks to his knees beside the bathtub, seeming oblivious to the hard, damp tiles beneath him. Despite his long sleeves, one hand slides into the water and cups between my legs. 

“Ben,” I murmur, as his finger traces my slit. “Ben, what are -“

“You’re my  _ mate _ , Rey.” He sounds incredibly weak as his finger strokes between my slit. He nudges my clit, shooting tingles of desire throughout me. I bite down on my lip to quiet the noises that try to escape. “I want only for you to be happy. And  _ safe. _ ”

_ I will never be safe here _ , I want to scream. But I let myself have this. I let my head roll back as he slides his longest finger into my cunt, stroking my walls so expertly that I can almost believe he means it. I let his lust overwhelm me, I let the tension between my hips build and grow until it soars, and I cry out and shake apart beneath his hands. I blink and shiver as he lifts me from the water, dazed and still twitching. He carries me to the bed and makes quick work of freeing his cock. I shouldn’t let this happen - I shouldn’t allow it. But I  _ am  _ \- I am weak and  _ stupid  _ but I don’t have to think, I don’t have to focus on the horror of my life or my situation when he takes control of my body and it’s worth it, for such a short time, to just  _ be. _

Kylo climbs on top but my small belly seems to make him pause. His hand hovers over the bump for a long moment and I can feel his indecision and worry about the baby through the bond. 

“Lay down,” I tell him. 

His lashes flutter and his mouth goes slack, as though his been stricken by shock. I push on his shoulders until he rolls, dragging me on top of his large frame. I wiggle until I’m hovering over him.

“Rey…” He gasps as I take him into me. It feels better than ever. My nipples tighten into hard peaks as he holds my hips, sealing us together as far as I can take him. It’s Kylo’s turn to throw his head back in ecstasy, dark hair a mess against my pillows. He groans softly as I begin to lift and fall, hips flexing as I ride him. The stretch is amazing, being filled by his thick cock even better. I shouldn’t be doing this - I shouldn’t give in to him. But why can’t I have something, too? 

“I love you,” he says, and I ignore it. I press my fingers to my clit, rubbing circles that I know will bring me to climax quickly and surely. “Rey,  _ fuck _ \- I never wanted to hurt you -“

“Shut up,” I hiss. With my free hand, I cover his mouth, bracing my weight against his face. I fuck him faster, slamming my hips down and stroking my clit faster. His noises are muffled and he twitches inside of me. I watch as his cheeks turn dark pink, sweat beads his brow and his hair sticks to his forehead. He’s so beautiful, but so dangerous. I hate him and I love him and I moan as I reach my peak, clenching hard on his swollen length. 

Kylo follows soon after. I pretend not to notice the tears tracking down his cheeks as I crawl off him. I pad back to the bathroom and empty the tub before starting the water again. 

  
  
  


——

  
  
  


The ride to the office is silent. Kylo doesn’t try to hold me on his lap or even look at me. He follows me into the building and we don’t even have to wait - the receptionist sends us straight to the back, where a nurse takes my vitals and weight. Everyone is smiling and cheerful, greeting me like I’m a walking miracle, reaching to touch my belly through my loose dress. Kylo threatens to cut off an older woman’s hand and she recoils, affronted. After that, the nurses seem to get the message and leave me alone.

Doctor Dameron breezes into the exam room once I’ve changed into a cotton gown. His smile is perfect, white and straight and welcoming. He shakes Kylo’s hand before plopping onto the rolling stool between my knees. 

“How are you feeling, Rey?” he asks innocently.

“She’s been depressed,” Kylo says for me.

Dameron meets my eye a split second longer than necessary. I can see his pity and his sadness for just a moment. “There are many medications that can help with that. Safe for momma and baby.”

“Ask her,” Kylo says. 

The doctor and I frown in unison. 

Kylo sighs impatiently. “The last time we were here, you asked my mate if she was  _ happy _ .” He flicks his head back to get the hair from his eyes and levels a glare at Doctor Dameron, who opens his mouth to protest. “Do not pretend. I’m not stupid. Do you think there are no bugs here? Honestly, Poe.” Kylo scoffs.

“I don’t understand…” I volley my gaze between the two alphas in confusion. 

Poe clenches his jaw before dragging his gaze to meet mine. I gape at him, flummoxed. I can practically hear the gears turning inside of his head. “Are you happy, Rey?”

I feel the salty burn behind my eyes. Through the bond, Kylo is oddly  _ gentle _ , encouraging. He won’t look at me, focusing instead on my knees and feet hanging off the exam table. 

“No.” My voice sounds so small. Fragile. 

“Do you… do you wish to leave Kylo?” Poe presses on. His pulse jumps at his throat.

“I want to leave  _ here _ ,” I reply. My voice is thick with unshed tears. “I don't want my child -  _ any  _ child - to grow up here.” 

Poe nods. “I understand. We can get you out. Tonight. You won’t be the only omega.” He moves as though to take my hands in comfort, but Kylo growls and jumps between us. 

“She is  _ still  _ mine,” he snaps. The anger is hot and thick as it pulses through my veins. 

“Sorry. But Ren, this is - this is  _ suicide _ ,” Doctor Dameron says. “If the President finds out about this -“

“You get her out,” Kylo says, “and let me worry about the rest.” 

I think I should feel relieved - this is everything that I wanted, and I get to keep my life in the end. But instead of relief, I feel only terror prickling down my spine. I cup a hand over my belly and try to breathe. 


End file.
